OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2015

ASK A PRIEST
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
FATHER LAZARUS CHAWDI
PRIEST STAFF
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF


FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM

"I am Catholic and married a Lutheran who
is divorced.  My priest advised me to marry
in the Lutheran Church and leave the paperwork
with him.  Can you help me?" Mary Ann

Father Kevin:

I'm a 62 yr old Catholic, widowed 7 yrs ago. I met a Lutheran who was divorced from another Lutheran. I went to my priest who advised me to get married in the Lutheran Church and leave all the paperwork with him, come back after we were married and have my husband file for annulment. 

When we married my husband refused to go through an annulment process, said it's nobody's business. We are married 4 yrs but from day one it wasn't good.  I feel I'm in limbo!  We live like brother/sister instead of a married couple but he refuses to leave.  I don't know what to do and I'm afraid to go to a priest because he might tell me I'm outside the church.  I won't stay away from my faith. Thank you for any help and God Bless, - Mary Ann

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Dear Mary Ann:

God never wants us to live in a prison, or a state of ongoing unhappiness. You are certainly not “outside the Church” as you put it. No one is beyond the reach of God’s mercy, which is the part of the point of this Year of Mercy that Pope Francis has begun this week. I hope can find a priest with enough pastoral sensitivity to welcome you and work through your issues with you. I suppose you need to reflect on why you remain in the marriage and weigh up the pros and cons involved in leaving the relationship. From your short description, you are not happy at all.  Life is short enough, and given your age, important decisions become a bit more urgent. I will continue to pray for you and if I can be of any further help, you are most welcome to contact me directly.  Every blessing Mary Ann,  - Father Kevin

 


"I married in a Russian Orthodox Church 50 years ago. 
 I am back to the Catholic Church.  Shall I have my
marriage blessed? - Barbara

 

Father Kevin:

I was married in a Russian Orthodox Church over 50 years ago. I have come back to the Catholic Church. Do I have to have my marriage  blessed in the Catholic Church for me to receive  the sacraments? - Barbara

____________________________________________________________

Dear Barbara:

Your question is a simple one really.  The Catholic Church recognises the validity of sacraments in the Orthodox Church and vice versa.  The question you raise is one of Church discipline.  Pope Francis recently in conversation with a Lutheran woman suggested that since we all have one baptism, that we make that our starting point, take ourselves into the Lord’s company, spend time with Him and then see what happens.

Our laws are there for a purpose, but their purpose is not to make life burdensome for people. You should be welcome to approach the Sacraments right now.  A conversation with a priest who is wise and sensitive to your story might help.  Every blessing,  - Father Kevin

 


"My husband told me he no longer loved me.  We
have 3 children with one disabled.  What shall
I do?" - Laura

Father Kevin:

I have a few questions for you and I'm hoping you can help me.  I am a 45 year old Catholic woman.  Married for 20 years with three children.  One of them is severely disabled.  About eight years ago my husband announced he was no longer in love with me and has since refrained from having intimate relationship with me.  I am crushed and heartbroken.  I feel I am living a lie when surrounded by family and friends and I am still very much in love with him.  I have been nothing but supportive and loving, despite his cold heart.  He wants to stay married for the sake of the vows and the children.  Out of sheer loneliness, once or twice a year I resort to masturbation and feel exceedingly guilty beyond words afterwards.  I have promised Jesus I will not sin ever again in this way, but have fallen away again more than once. Will He forgive me for breaking this promise?  Or will He punish me?  I have confessed this sin and repented but the guilt I have is unbearable.  Also, I believe Our Blessed Lady has granted me healing of a physical ailment. I begged for this healing and promised her I would be pure and no longer sin, but I recently broke this promise again.  Will she also punish me by taking back the miracle she procured?  I feel lost and alone.    Lonely mom in New York.    Laura

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Laura:

How sad you find yourself in this unhappy situation. This week we begin the Jubilee Year of Mercy.  I suggest you focus yourself on God’s tenderness and mercy when you are faced with the occasional episodes of masturbation or any other behaviour that disturbs your peace. The God of mercy knows how we are made.  God Knows well our need for comfort and love.  That’s how he made us!!  Punishment, anger and such doesn’t enter God’s mind.  You are living your life heroically and as lovingly as you can in the face of a loveless relationship. 

God bless you in that and take heart in God’s mercy.  I reckon that through your suffering, you are becoming daily closer to the heart of God.   Being patient and forgiving towards our self is always one of our hardest tasks, but it’s worth a go! Let God’s Mercy look after you and may God bless you in your love and care for your children.  - Father Kevin





CATHOLICVIEW PRIEST STAFF

"Is it permissible to have a Children’s Christmas
play during Mass?"  - Carol

Father Francisco:

Is it permissible to have a Children’s Christmas (short) play during Mass? If before or after Mass . .before opening prayer? After Communion or after closing prayer? And lastly . . . is it permissible to act out or have a skit for THAT Sunday’s Gospel, that would replace the homily or at that time of the homily?   Thank you! - Carol

___________________________________________________________

Carol:

In the liturgical rhythm of the Mass, such plays or dramas should be done before or after Mass is complete, which means that a children's play should happen before the processional hymn (the actual beginning) or after the closing prayer of the Mass and before the final blessing.  In a children's Mass (that is a Mass that is dedicated to children using the Eucharistic prayers designed for children's Masses), the gospel can be dramatized but cannot replace the homily.  Merry Christmas and may the Lord bless your efforts in making wonderful memories for those who participate in your dramatic presentations.  - Father Francisco


"What is money usury and is it sinful?"
- Jemma

Father Francisco:

I am a 20 year old Catholic and I have never heard much about the sin of usury. I have recently looked into the issue and I have heard different things from different people - that all interest is sinful, that interest should only be applied to cover handling fees, or that interest is ok so long as it isn’t really high (like loansharks) because the nature of money and our economic system has changed over the years.

If all interest is a sin, then is it a sin to have my money in a bank account where I get a very small amount of interest? And can Catholics morally take out loans that have interest?  Thanks for your help, it is very appreciated.  - Jemma

____________________________________________________________

Jemma:

Usury is described as the practice of lending money with high interest rates.  The Old Testament is filled with admonitions about lending money with the demand of interest. 

In Exodus 22:24, one of the commandments of the Lord is this:  If you lend money to one of your poor neighbors among my people, you shall not act like an extortioner toward him by demanding interest from him.  The only reference to usury in the New Testament is Jesus' words from the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 6, Verse 35:  Love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for He Himself is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful just as also your Father is merciful. 

Yet, Jesus Himself used in the parable of the talents use of interest as a good thing in Matthew 25:27:  Should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return?  Now then, take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten!  In this parable, Jesus was making the point that God has given to each of us talents and gifts for the glory of God, and that our gift of life should give a "return"  to the Creator Father.  It is clear that basic interest as part of the business of a bank is not sinful, and interest is expected as part of the business of finance.  But when people demand high interest, it is then that this practice of high interest becomes greed and sinful.  Jesus at no time spoke about gaining interest as sinful though Jesus says that we should lend without expecting anything in return when you and I deal individually with someone in need.  Jesus did not say that banks and financial institutions should not charge interest.  He was only talking about how we treat one another individually. 

So, in this regards, the Church has always taught against the practice of usury especially in regards to the poor.  But the cost of lending money by banks and financial institutions is expected and not sinful.  As Christians, we can leave our money in the bank to receive interest, we can invest our money in retirement funds without any concern that it is sinful.  We can also take out loans because that is a free will decision we make for whatever reason, though I pray that each person that takes out a loan is responsible and mature in their reason for a loan.  But in our relationships with each other, there is the expectation that we don't treat those in need as though we are banks and financial institutions because we are not.  We are individual Christians answering the needs of our brothers and sisters in need.  As a side note, taking out a loan without the intention of paying back that loan is considered stealing and is equally sinful as usury.
  - Father Francisco 


Someone told me he had committed a serious crime. 
Should I report it to the police?" - Rnevsimal 

Farther Cervantes:

Someone told me he had committed a very serious crime.  All I have is hearsay and I'm not sure because he might have been bragging instead of having really done it.  Do I need to report it to the police?  I'm not even sure if the crime occurred. -  Rnevsimal

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Rnevsimal:

We all have the Christian responsibility to report any crime that is considered, as you say, very serious.  I consider murder, bank robbery, breaking into houses and businesses, gang activity, illegal drug dealing especially to minors' sexual crimes, and human trafficing as just some of the major crimes that need to be reported to the police.  Let the police figure out the details through their investigations.  You don't have the burden of proving anything, since that is the job of law enforcement.  But if someone is saying to you that they committed a major crime, then you have the moral obligation to make a report.  The police will find out if it is the truth.  -   Father Cervantes


"I am in need of help.  I am afraid I will be
 thrown into hell.   Can you help me?"  Rena

Father Francisco:

I really need advice from someone of the same religion, a priest, to tell me what I should do. I am much too afraid to approach the priests at my church in person. I really hope I won't be ignored. Please, or if you know where else I can post this for help please do tell me. 

Well, I have been suffering from masturbation addiction since I was around 9, and when I was about 14, I started watching porn. I am still addicted to porn and masturbation till now, and I do not know how to stop. The longest I can go is perhaps a month.  Anyway I have had hearing loss in my left ear since I was young, and when I was 14, my right ear too started to mysteriously lose its hearing and I had to wear hearing aids in both ears. I am not sure if this is the result of my sins from watching porn since it happened around the time I started watching. Now I'm 19, and my hearing became even worse that I might have to go for a cochlear implant surgery. 

When I masturbate, I use a lot of water. I won't go into details, but I felt guilty wasting water, so, when I was young I might have made a promise to Mother Mary that I would stop wasting water. Well, now I am feeling really troubled because I can't remember if I really did promise her or not, and I'm afraid that she would be angry because I broke my promise more than a thousand times. What should I do?  I have tried various means to quit watching porn and masturbating, I punish myself by having to say 10 Hail Marys each time I watch, and now I have more than 1000 Hail Marys to to be said. This still couldn't stop me, so I began more punishments like giving $5 to charity each time I watched, and now I have to donate $15 so far. I feel bad as despite it being my allowance, the money was earned by my parents. 

Also, I feel like a terrible child to my parents because they have spent a lot of money on me, bringing me to hearing specialists and acupuncturist in hope of getting back my hearing, and I feel like the cause of it could be the punishment of me watching porn...and yet I still do it.  I am really afraid and lost. I do not know what to do anymore. I am afraid I would be thrown into hell or purgatory if I cannot overcome these sins. Also, I lust after guy friends quite frequently and I don't know if I'm lonely or just want to find a life companion.  Please advise me. I don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for reading this long message.   - Rena.

_____________________________________________________

Rena:

Your actions betray that you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder that needs to be addressed through a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.  Ever since you were nine, you have had this obsession on sexual matters that is not healthy.  The use of water or pornography are tied into this obsessive-compulsive disorder that is the cause of your emotional and spiritual pain.  You probably developed this obsessive behavior because your health was always in flux, such as your ability to hear.  That insecurity about your hearing may have caused you to seek comfort in sexual matters that were beyond your level of maturity to deal with.  Now that you are older, you can seek help for that now before these sexual sins take over your life and destroy you.  God is not punishing you for your obsessive-compulsive disorder.   God is not taking your hearing away because you are involved in sexual matters.  God doesn't punish us, He forgives us and send us His Holy Spirit to help us overcome our difficulties.  Trust in God is absolutely necessary to overcome your obsessions. 

Do not lose faith.  Instead, rise up, hold your head high, and seek help for your obsessions.  And please, stop the promises to God, Jesus, or the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Stop the self-imposed penances.  Make your prayer to God through Jesus for freedom from your obsessions.  Do not fear to seek help from professionals.  They will help you understand why you developed these obsessions.  Here is a prayer that you can say with your open heart and your strong faith:

"Lord Jesus, in your Name, please deliver me from my obsessions that are taking over my life.  I place my life and my problems in your Hands.  I trust in you to help me overcome my obsessions.  Please send your Holy Spirit to free me from these obsessions.  Please guide me to find help for what bothers me and disturbs my peace.   Thank you, Lord, for your many blessings.  Amen." - Father Francisco

 


"If I accepted Christ as Savior in a Baptist Church and
baptized, can I still be saved though I choose to remain
Baptist? - Jeff

Father Cervantes:

If I accepted Christ as my Savior in a Baptist church and was baptized, can I still be saved even though I understand Catholic teachings but choose to remain a Baptist and not convert to Catholicism?  - Jeff

 ___________________________________________________________

Jeff:

Concerning your question whether you will be saved, that is not an answer that I can give since I am not God.  You belong to Christ by your profession of faith.  That is the key to salvation.  Your heart is open to Christ and you know His love for you.  Heaven awaits you.  You say that you understand Catholic teachings.  I don't know what you mean by that.  If you know through your studies that the Catholic Church is the Church founded by Jesus Christ and built on the apostles, and if you know that the Catholic Church is the custodian of truth for the world, then you should become a Catholic so that you can have the sacraments that will make your Christian life fuller and more grace-filled.  You are saved by your faith.  You are judged by God, not by anyone else.  Be at peace.  I encourage you, though, to do more research about Church history and the find out how you can become Catholic and belong to an apostolic Church founded by Jesus. - Father Cervantes

 


"I woke last week and took a shower.  When drying
 myself I noticed a black crucifix on my right arm.  I
tried to wash it off to no avail.  Can you shed some
light on this?" - Ann                               

Dear Father Francisco:

I come to you as I am truly baffled by what happened to me on October 30, 2015 and since then cannot find any answers to my question. I will attach a photo for your viewing in determining the best answer or approach.  I woke up last Friday morning and jumped into the shower. When I was drying myself off, there was a black crucifix that appeared on my right arm. I didn't think too much of it and figured perhaps it was makeup or ink. I got a sponge and makeup remover to remove it however, it didn't go away!!! It stayed with me all day even after going to the gym for cardio. I went to my son's doctor to obtain his prescription as it cannot be faxed and spoke to the medical assistant there who observed the marking and mentioned that it was NOT a black and blue, pinched skin, swelling or anything she could identify. She even examined it closer to see if perhaps it was a mole, skin cancer, etc but nothing added up.

I am spooked and scared . I am a female, a mother to an 8 year old autistic boy and have been feeling rather down due to his condition since the medication once it wears off has nasty side affects. I am married for 14 years, currently do not work due to my extensive traveling for work. Our son needs my presence and guidance and no one is capable of watching him due to his problems.

Can you kindly shed some light as the more I read the more I was scared and pray with all of my heart that Christ was trying to relay something to me. I truly welcome your professional opinion and or perhaps facts.  May this email find you well and may God Bless you for your time.  Sincerely, Ann

 __________________________________________________________________

Ann: 

Thank you, Ann, for your picture.  What a wonderful sign from God that you are loved.  That cross, though it may have medical and physical causes, is nonetheless a sign that you are loved infinitely.  Why are you spooked and scared?  You have worked so hard for your autistic son!  You have sacrificed so much for your son as you should as a loving mother that you are.  Why shouldn't God tell you that you are not alone in your work for your son?  It seems that the cross is a sign that God is with you and will bless you abundantly for all you do, for your sacrifices, and for your maternal love.  You are so blest.  Don't give up.  I know that there will be times when you wish that things would be different and why you are in this situation.  God is simply sending you a little message:  He is with you.  He loves you.  He appreciates your sacrifices.  And He will bless you
abundantly!  You are so blest!
  And your son is being protected by God Himself.  What a beautiful message!  Time to dance for joy!  -  Father Francisco

 


My wife and I married in the civil court fourteen years
ago but now she wants a divorce.  We have two
children. 
 She is unfaithful.  What should I do?"  - Rick

Father Cervantes:

My separated spouse and I have been married through the civil court for 14 years,  she told me she wanted a divorce in Aug.2014, she separated me in march 2015, I went to counseling on my own, I go to church, she refused to go to counseling with me or a retreat. I've changed my ways for the better. But she has always refused to come back.  She has had her own apartment since May 2015, she doesn't want to come back to me, we have 2 kids we split weekly 50/50.  I prayed for God to find me someone to keep my mind of her since I was not sleeping and still can't, well this girl and I have been having relations, my wife has not filed for divorce because of financial reasons.  I have confessed several times but I am really lonely without any friends and she believes in God and we go to church together.  This is not my plan and I would like my family back.  Am
I committing sin even though we are not married through church?  What should I do, I am confused?  Please father forgive me.  I am always in doubt and not happy, I miss my family and she is already talking to other men. - Rick

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Rick:

Any sexual activity outside of a sacramental marriage is considered sinful, so your affair is considered sinful.  I understand that you are lonely and lost because of the separation of your wife of 14 years.  It is especially painful when you are separated at times from your two children.  This pain will not go away as you will always have to deal with this separated situation.  Even though you are not officially divorced, you are tied to each other in marriage though it is considered a civil marriage only.  So, stay faithful, even though it may seem your wife is not faithful.  Your two children are the most important parts of your marriage.  Keep your focus on them.  They need a father who will love them into maturity and responsibility.  I do not know if your marriage has any hope of reconciliation.  As you said, you have more self-knowledge now that enabled you to understand your part in the break-up of your marriage.  Your two children will always keep you in contact with your wife even after divorce.  It is time for you to accept your situation and work with what you have.  One of the greatest temptations that will tear you apart and make your life and the life of those around you miserable is the temptation to feel sorry for yourself.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  This is not about you.  The focus should be on your children who need a father who is mature and able to pay attention to them.  Continue with your counseling.  Please do that so that you can overcome the problems that cause you to be lonely.  God is with you.   - Father Cervantes

 


I have a prostate condition and my doctor suggested
trying a Prostate Massager to clear up the pain.  Is
this sinful to use this device?"  - Rusty

Father Cervantes:

I've been diagnosed with a prostate condition (I think it is prostatitis) that I forgot the name of.  For the last year I have had to try dozens of options to deal with or cure the condition.

Recently my doctor has suggested trying a Prostate Massage or Milking to see if that would clear up the pain I have. I gave it a try and my condition improved for a few days. My doctor then prescribed to me a medical device to me a device I could use to massage the area every so often to increase blood flow.  My question is, is it sinful to use such devices for therapeutic use like this? I really do not want to commit sin, but I really do want relief from the condition. - Rusty

 ________________________________________________________

Rusty:

In regards to your medical condition, always follow the advice of your doctor.   If you are following your doctor's advice in regards to your prostate condition, then no sin is involved.  I pray that the Spirit of the Lord will heal you and give you peace.
  - Father Cervantes

 


"My husband and I divorced two years ago.  He was
having an inappropriate affair while married to me. 
Our marriage was not annulled so can he be married
by her uncle who is a Catholic Priest? - Charisse
 

Father Francisco:

My husband and I divorced two years ago after 37 and a half years of marriage and 3 years of dating.  There were many factors in making the difficult decision to file, but there were two things that, for me, were the “straws that broke the camel’s back,” so to speak.  One was the fact that my ex-husband was having an inappropriate relationship with a woman, while we were still married and even with me repeatedly asking him to get rid of her and telling him I would forgive him, he would not get rid of her.  The second was the deplorable way he treated our daughter, telling her she was a mistake and was never meant to be born, plus neglecting her in a time of great need in her life.  She was having several health
issues (flesh-eating bacteria) and emotional issues due to an abusive boy friend. 

Anyway, as soon as the divorce was final, he filed for an annulment.  The paperwork went to the Tribunal in our diocese.  The Tribunal did not even hear the case stating that he had not provided any evidence to show that our marriage was invalid.  So, my question is this:  Since our marriage was not annulled, can he be married by a Catholic priest?  He is marrying the girl that he was cheating on me with and her uncle, a retired Catholic priest, is performing the ceremony.  How can that be?  Is that even allowed?  I thought if your marriage was not annulled, he could not be married by a Catholic priest. - Charisse

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Charisse:

I am as confused as you are.  If the Tribunal did not make a decision in regards to the nullity of your marriage, no deacon or priest can preside over your ex-husband's marriage.  I am not sure if the uncle priest knows of the circumstances of the marriage.  Maybe the uncle priest has been mislead to preside over the marriage.  Nonetheless, that marriage is invalid from the beginning no matter who presides over it.  If you can, I would write a letter to the uncle priest to inform him that the Tribunal has made no decision in regards to the nullity of your marriage in the Church.  I am so sorry that this is happening to you.  I pray that you can move forward with your life and leave your ex-husband to God's Justice.  Father Francisco


"Is an emotional affair a mortal sin if the two
people have never met?" - Siennarva

Father Francisco:

I had a question about emotional affairs.  Is an emotional affair a mortal sin if the two people have never met?  -    Thank you - Siennarva  

 ___________________________________________________________

Siennarva:

In this age of Internet meetings and messages by mobile phones, an emotional affair without meeting the other is still considered sinful since it is a cause of temptation to sin.  Stay away from these emotional affairs.  These kind of affairs always come with a cost that you do not want to "pay."  Trust in God for your emotional fulfillment.  - Father Francisco 

 


"I am Catholic married mother of 6 and married
for 24 years.  We have not been intimate for two
years and live from paycheck to paycheck.  Should I
get a divorce?" - Mary

Dear Fathers:

I am a 53 year old married mother of 6.  I have 3 boys still at home: 19, 17, and 11 years of age. I was raised Irish catholic in the great city of Boston. I now live in Florida.  I have been married for 24 years. I had two girls when I met my husband.  I was not attracted to him at all. I was pressured into marrying him because he's a firefighter and everyone said I needed a husband. Now we hate each other. He did go through Rica and became catholic shortly after we got married.  I have no hope no bank account no job no money. We live paycheck to paycheck. We live as roommates. We have not been intimate for 2 years. I want a divorce but have no place to go. I haven't been to mass for a few years because when I see the happy people in church I feel jealous and I feel like I don't belong. I am 150 lbs overweight  I wish I was dead or had never been born.   I was wondering if we are not being intimate and my husband doesn't have any money to help our boys get a license, a car, a college degree, etc., should I get a divorce? -   Mary

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Mary:

Divorce is the last option left to you in such a painful relationship.  If you have exhausted all other options such as counseling, then divorce will become an option for you.  From what you describe, you may have a case for an ecclesiastical decree of nullity (an annulment).   Time to get moving forward and find peace in your life.  Your marriage has become a heavy cross that you do not have to carry.  You were pressured to marry him for many reasons.  The fact that you were pressured (and it seems that there was a considerable amount of pressure), your marriage to your husband may not be sacramentally valid.  Please talk to your pastor or deacon about this.  You are loved by God.  Even though you do not feel loved by anyone and are burdened by so much emotional pain, you are loved and your life must be lived to the full, especially for your children who will always need their mother.  You are needed!  And you have been made to fulfill God's plan for you and your children.  Time to focus on your children and resolve this painful marriage.   - Father Cervantes

 


"My boyfriend and I ended things.  Will God
punish me for turning to a spirit guide for
help?" - Christina

Father Cervantes:

I just have a question about psychics. I have recently ended things with a boyfriend that I care about very much and a lot of me is still holding on to the relationship thinking he is going to come back to me and we can start things up again, and I really want to know if I need to let go of that hope or if holding on to the hope will benefit in the end. I just want an answer so I know which way to go, and I do know of 2 religious people that see this one psychic, well they call him a spirit guide and he seems to be right all the time and I would like to contact him so that I can finally have my answer but I'm scared God will punish me for it.  So I guess my question is, will God punish me for turning to this so called spirit guide, just this one time? - Christina

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Christina:

Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend is not meant to be.  If it was meant to be, then things would be different, but it isn't.  Things ended in your relationship because your relationship was toxic.  No amount of any magic or psychic power is going to change any person, especially your ex-boyfriend.  Instead, ask the Lord to send someone else in your life who will truly love you and support you as you need.  You already have your answer and you don't need a psychic to tell you the obvious:  this ex-boyfriend is not good for you and will never be.  There is someone else waiting for you, waiting to meet you, waiting to share your life.  You will meet him when the time is right in God's Plan for you!  In the Old Testament, in the Book of Leviticus, Chapter 19, Verse 31, it states this as a commandment of the Lord:  Do not go to mediums or consult fortune tellers, for you will be defiled by them.  I, the Lord, am your God.  That means, stay away from these charlatans.     - Father Cervantes

 

"My wife and I were christened into the Russian Orthodox
Church in Alaska.  I am still drawn toward the Catholic
Church.  What is the process?"  - Danny

Father Francisco::

In 2000, my wife and I were christened into the Russian Orthodox church in Kodiak, Alaska.  Since then we have moved a lot and have attended liturgy at the Greek, Antiochian, Serbian, and Russian Churches.  I am 66 years old, married 36 years and was a baptized Protestant for many years before converting to Orthodoxy. So was my wife.  Over the years I have begun to study the Catholic faith and I am becoming very interested in it; mostly because of the stability and my agreement with its doctrines.  As we progressed in the orthodox practice of faith, I became more and more confused with the liturgies being somewhat different at each church and the differences of practice of the new calendar, old calendar and the revised old calendar as well as some groups being non-canonical and others canonical.  Other reasons surfaced also but I will not mention them.  For a short time, we lived in a small community that had only a Catholic Church and the pastor there allowed us to take communion which was a great blessing to us. Now we live in a community that has both a Eastern Orthodox Church and two Catholic Churches.  I am still being drawn toward the Catholic Church and I need to know how we can progress in that direction.  If we decide to convert to the Catholic Church, and we may, what would be the process?  I look forward to your response and yes you may publish this question. - Danny

 ___________________________________________________________

Danny:

What a wonderful spiritual journey you have taken in your walk with Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  Even though there are many differences in style of liturgy and even teachings in the Orthodox churches, please know that you belong to an apostolic Church, with its roots in the apostles and Jesus Christ Himself. 

The Orthodox Church is a loose confederation of faith communities each with its own traditions and cultures.  The Catholic Church is more monolithic with a presiding pastor (the Pope) that has all authority over the many Catholic churches throughout the world.   The Orthodox churches are more independent from each other, with a Patriarch overseeing each church (such as an individual Patriarch for each of the Russian, Serbian, Greek, and other Orthodox Churches) though there is a sense of unity around the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople (His All-Holiness), the successor of Saint Andrew the apostle. 

The Catholic Church is presided in authority by the Patriarch of the West, the Bishop of Rome, the Pope, the successor of Saint Peter the apostle and rock of the Church who possesses the keys of the kingdom of heaven.  The two apostolic churches do have two different ways of governance of the Church.  The Catholic Church and the Orthodox Churches are sister churches derived from the apostles and Jesus Himself. 

I do understand your desire to belong to the Catholic faith.  The Catholic Church is dynamic and open to the changes of the world.  The Orthodox Churches seem to be frozen in time though their Christian teachings are dynamic, mystical, and emotionally moving.  If your spiritual journey takes you to the Catholic Church, then please talk to your parish Catholic priest and start the process of the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults (R.C.I.A.).  You won't have to receive any sacraments since your Orthodox sacramental life is recognized as valid by the Catholic Church. 

You will make a profession of faith, and through that profession of faith, you will be recognized as a full member of the Catholic Church, the Church of Jesus founded on the rock of Peter's faith.  The process is simple, but you will learn much about the Catholic Church's frame of mind through the R.C.I.A. process.  Thank you for your testimony of faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and thank you for sharing your spiritual journey with us.  May the Spirit of God guide you in all your decisions.   - Father Francisco

 


"Do you know when a Jewish censor removed the
extra chapters from the Book of Daniel?"  - David

 

Dear Father Francisco: 

The Christian in the Jewish version, namely, Bel and the Dragon, and Susanna and the Elders.

The Book of Daniel was written at the time of Nebuchadnezzar II c580BCE.  The Jewish opinion is that the extra chapters are Christian additions, and not from the Jewish original. I disagree. I demonstrate that Jewish art from the 14th c  to the 19th c, systematically uses images from the lost books of Daniel. 

This is the only Jewish text with the word meshach, and the  timing of the writing of the Book of Daniel c580BCE, fits perfectly with the historical record, where Cyrus the Great b578BCE was the first recorded person in history with that title.  Further, he helped the Jews return to Israel, fitting the theory of a messiah (which source I don't know). The Book of Daniel is therefore the primary source of laws on the Jewish concept of a meshach (messiah)

I believe that Jewish authorities removed the extra chapters as they were too close to the Christian version, even though the concept is different. Both of the missing chapters discuss adultery, resulting in a young mother giving birth to a child, evidently to be called meshach, whose father is not known, or at least not her husband. 

The missing chapters of Daniel from the Jewish text therefore equate Judaism and Christianity, uniting their message. Therefore there is no contradiction between Judahism and Christianity. They are one and the same.  Do you know when a Jewish censor removed them?  Regards, David

 ________________________________________________________

David:

You have done some biblical research, and I am happy that you did. 

The Council of Nicea, in 325 A.D., set the canon of the bible that Christians, especially Catholics and the Orthodox, use to this day.  The book of Daniel came from the Greek version of the Jewish "bible" called the Septuagint.  For Christians, the book of Daniel as defined by the Council of Nicea has the missing chapters that the Hebrew bible does not have (and because of that, the Protestant reformation discarded these "books" from their canon in the 16th century, a decision that they had no right to do since the bible was codified and defined as a matter of faith bythe Council of Nicea).  

The book of Daniel has two parts, the Hebrew (and Aramaic) part which is called the proto-canonical book, and the Greek part called the deutro-canonical book.  The Council of Nicea accepted both parts as canonical for the Catholic and Orthodox Churches.   If there were any "Jewish censors," it would have happened when the Hebrew bible was codified by a distinguished group of rabbis, called the Masoretes, that formed the Masoretic  Hebrew text during the 7th through 10th century A.D. (C.E.) that we all use today.  I cannot speak for the Masoretes who are responsible for the codified Hebrew text we have today.  All I know is that the book of Daniel in the Christian bible has the complete form in both Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek.   Thank you for writing in.  - Father Francisco

 


Ephesians 5:4 says " Nor should there be obscenity,
foolish talk or coarse joking... Other bible translations for
this verse say/forbid joking in general rather than
just coarse joking.  Your opinion?"  - Nick

 

Father Cervantes:

Ephesians 5:4 says " Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving." Some bible translations for this verse say/forbid joking in general rather than just coarse joking. And saints such as John Chrysdotem say in their bible commentaries that it is sinful to basically act humorous and kid around. I am struggling with this and want your opinion on the verse and how heavily we should weigh the opinion of this saint. - Nick

________________________________________________________

Nick:

The New Testament teaches that we should always be aware of our words and actions as these words and actions have consequences, intended or not.  But does this mean that Christians have to be somber, boring, and with no humor?  Not at all.  We are meant to be a happy and peaceful people, full of love.  And that implies joy, energy, and thankful hearts that sing (see Psalm 138).  We should stay away from gossip, profanity, and sexually enticing jokes as this is not acceptable behavior for a Christian.  But laugh away to your hearts content!  That shows the joy of the Holy Spirit in your life!  Grateful hearts are always full of energizing joy!   -  Father Cervantes

 


"I married a divorced lady.  To annul her previous marriage
she must contact her ex and arrange for annulment and we
don't want this.  What Sacraments can I receive? 
Sacraments at the time of death?  -  Alan

Father Francisco:

I was a single Catholic man and married a divorced lady. I cannot have her previous marriage annulled because the church needs to contact her ex-husband and we don't want
this.  What Sacraments can I not receive?   Can I go to confessions?  Can I receive sacraments at time of death?    Regards, Alan

 ___________________________________________________________

Alan:

Any Christian, even non-Catholics, can be afforded the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick in danger of death.  I wish you could find a way to seek an annulment of your wife's first marriage.  There must be a way.  In all justice and fairness, your wife's ex-husband must be notified at least that an annulment is being sought.  He doesn't have to respond, but he must be told.  I am sure you can understand this.  I hope you and your wife will reconsider this course of action. 

Until an annulment is decided by a Church Tribunal, you will be unable to receive any of the sacraments except the Anointing of the Sick (Extreme Unction) in danger of death.  -Father Francisco 

 
"I am not Catholic.  I told a Catholic friend that a person
who lives a life of unrepentant sin won't go to Heaven after death. 
He said Catholics can have a mass said so they can enter
Heaven if they are Roman Catholic.  Is this true?" - Bob

 

Father Francisco:

In a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is a devout Roman Catholic (I am not), he said a few things that I did not understand. When I asked him to explain them, he told me to ask a priest. Since I do not know any priests, I thought I would ask you.

During the course of our conversation I made the comment that a person who lives a life of habitual unrepentant sin will not go to heaven, whether they are a Catholic or not. He says that Catholic's are able to have a mass said for someone like that so they can enter heaven if they are a Roman Catholic. Is this true?

When I told him that I did not think the Bible says that, he told me that I am “not authorized to interpret Scripture.” What does that mean that I am not authorized to interpret Scripture.  My friend also told me that even though I think I am a Christian, if I refuse to be a part of the Roman Catholic church, I cannot and will not go to heaven. Is this true?  Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing back from you.  Sincerely,  Bob

__________________________________________________________ 

Bob:

I must say that your Catholic friend is way out of line in his conclusion that a person who is in "habitual unrepentant sins" can somehow be saved after death through a series of memorial Masses and memorial prayers.  This is clearly wrong and, as you have rightly concluded, non-biblical.  We have one life on this earth, and we will be held accountable for this life on earth by our Creator.  Yet, Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, extends and offers us a free gift for our spiritual healing, spiritual maturity, and spiritual fulfillment:  absolute forgiveness. 

If we accept this free gift (called grace) from our Lord Jesus Christ, then we are inwardly changed and can spiritually mature to be masters of what can destroy each of us (sin).  Forgiveness, through the one sacrifice of Christ, is the cornerstone of all Christianity.  Reconciliation and healing is the spiritual goal of all Christians.  Christians are commanded to bring this message to the ends of the earth, and to live this message in their daily lives.  Even though God gives all of us unlimited "second chances" through forgiveness, there are no second chances after death:  you either belong to the Lord or you do not. 

So, my faith in Jesus is efficacious because faith accomplishes immediate justification which means (at least for Catholics) immediate access to God and our relationship with God is reconciled and healed without any effort on my part but true faith.  But salvation, the end product of my faith and justification to God and His total creation, is achieved through a lifetime of spiritual work, battles, suffering, and the gaining of wisdom.  Salvation is the gift of eternal life with our Creator after death. 

Your friend may be confused about the whole concept of purgatory, a time in which a soul that BELONGS to Christ is purified of all that separates that soul from a complete union with God (purgatory is not a place like heaven and hell but a period of standing in the Infinite Love of God understanding all that has happened in our life, and are purified and cleansed of what we carry from our earthly life into heaven...for nothing impure can enter heaven, please see Revelation 21:27).   

Catholics have always taught that our prayers support the transitioning soul as they enter heaven purified by the Blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.  But those prayers cannot somehow forgive a person of their earthly "habitual unrepentant sins."   A person in habitual unrepentant sins have made their life decision:  they do not belong to Christ.  That's the free choice of the person, for they chose heaven or hell.  By living in habitual unrepentant sin, they have chosen hell.  When they die, nothing can help these unrepentant sinners out of hell. 

As to your interpretation of scripture,  we are all free to interpret the scripture.  But true interpretation of the scripture is always tied to the teachings of the Church.  Anyone can interpret scripture.  Even the devil did that to Christ in the desert when the devil tempted Jesus by using scripture against him (please see Matthew 4:1-11).  For Catholics, the checks and balance system of scriptural interpretation rests with the teachings of the Church gleaned from its two thousand year tradition and existence.  For the Catholic Church, we knew the writers of the scriptures, in particular the New Testament, and knew what they meant when they wrote the various New Testament letters and gospels.  To me,
it is interesting and frustrating to see how people can
project anything on the scriptures and use it for their own agendas or evil.  That's why the Catholic and Orthodox Churches always depend on the precedent of biblical interpretation that has been passed
down to us these past two thousand years. 

As for whether Catholics are the only ones to make it to heaven and salvation, I am reminded of what Jesus said in the gospel when the apostles complained that there were "others" not of their company that have began to teach and use the Name of Jesus: (please see Luke 9:50, Mark 9:38-41) "For whoever is not against us is for us."   The Catholic and Orthodox Churches were founded by Jesus and the Apostles directly and we carry those teachings and traditions from the apostles themselves.  We are the Church foundedby Jesus Himself on the apostles.  The Catholic Church has always seen itself as the guardians of truth and that is our mission.  We are tasked with the protection of the treasure of God's Word.  Other Christian denominations and sects not associated with us are also covered by the Blood of Christ and all who profess the Name of Jesus and live it in their lives have salvation.  Being a Catholic doesn't ensure salvation.  True faith does.  "Whoever is not against us is for us." 

Your friend is probably very confused about his faith.  He holds on to his own severe and closed-minded ways in trying to make sense of the world around him.  My faith in Jesus, and my life in the Catholic Church, an apostolic church, opens my mind to all the wonders of God's creation around me without fear and without judgment.  My faith in Jesus opens me up to the world and I rejoice in God's diverse creation. 

For some, like your friend, that evokes fear which makes some hide behind erroneous faith conclusions.  Thank you for writing to us-  Father Francisco
 


"A Catholic Priest asked my elderly mother if he
could spend the night at her home and later
asked her to massage his back.  Isn't this
inappropriate?"  Rhapsophy

 

Father Cervantes

A Catholic priest asked my elderly (86 years old)widowed mother to spend the night at her home during his travels.  He spent the night; my mother and the priest were alone in the house.  He also asked her to massage his back.  I find this highly inappropriate and my mother felt uncomfortable with his requests.  My mother is uncomfortable telling him "no" in the future because he is a priest.  Is this considered inappropriate behavior for a Catholic priest?  Thank you.
 - Rhapsophy

 __________________________________________________________

Rhapsophy:

My answer here is going to be short.  This is truly an example of inappropriate behavior for anyone, especially a Catholic priest.  I do not even know if he is a Catholic priest since I do not understand why a priest is traveling and staying at people's houses (visiting priests invited by a parish to serve stay in the rectory or in a hotel.....not in a parishioner's home unless the pastor of the parish made the arrangements with controls). 

How does your mother know this priest, if he is one?  This is a very serious matter.  You must report this man to your local diocese (archdiocese) immediately, right now.  Do not delay.  And you must share my answer with your 86 year old mother.  If ANYONE feels uncomfortable with unwanted or surprising touches by anyone (or asked to be touched), especially an ordained minister (deacon, priest, bishop), that person must be reported to the proper authorities (civil and, in case of an ordained minister, the bishop of the diocese as well) immediately.  Your mother must be protected from this man. 

Something is very disturbing about this situation.  Your mother is 86 years old.  Is this man a con-artist?  Is this man going to do something violent or unwanted against your elderly mother?  Does this man have designs on her bank account?  That's why this man must be reported to civil authorities as well as your diocese since you may find out that this man is not a priest, or doesn't have the license (called "faculties") to minister in any church.  Protect your mother!  She needs your help.  And investigate this man.  And report now.  Also, after reporting this man to police and bishop, tell your pastor so that this man will never be allowed to serve in your parish church again.  Please show my answer to your mother, and to your pastor so that they can understand the seriousness of this horrible situation if it helps to explain your situation to these investigative agencies.    -  Father Cervantes
 


"Some extenuating family circumstances have left me
feeling like I am not good enough for anybody.   How
could I be good enough for anybody else if my own
mother spent years being disappointed in me?"
- Ekaterina

Father Francisco:


I would love some advice, right now I am drifting and I'd love something solid to hold on to.  I am really struggling with myself lately.  Some extenuating family circumstances have left me feeling like I am not good enough for anybody.  Friends, significant others, and family.  How could I be good enough for anybody else if my own mother spent years being disappointed in me or convinced I could do better at whatever I was doing, especially school work?

The people around me are changing so much.  They are figuring out who they are.  They are discovering what they want to study.  Finding relationships and friendships with amazing people.  They are changing and maturing before my very eyes, and that is so beautiful.  But I am nowhere close to that.  I am not sure I am studying the right thing.  I have no idea who I am supposed to be, but I know that if I stay where I am now I won't get anywhere.  I am immature for my age and it hurts to be looked at like the cute, vaguely annoying pet of the friend group.  Not to mention that most people of the opposite gender won't come near me with a ten foot pole.   It is heartbreaking to see everyone progressing at such an amazing rate while you are left behind because you are holding them back.  I hate wanting to be with people.  I hate wanting to be accepted.  It makes me needy, pathetic, and weak in front of the people I look up to the most.

I stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago.  They are God giving me opportunities.  I have been told my whole life that God has amazing plans for me.  How can that be true when I feel like I am only what I could get for my internal organs on the black market.  When I am not taken seriously or appreciated.  And when I, a social, healthy, female, meant to be in a relationship as a human being, is rejected or ignored by every male who does not give me the creeps.

That is about it.  I feel I am not worth more a whole than as parts.  I feel like something that can help people reach higher heights while being nailed to the ground.  I just need to know that I can be satisfied with myself.  Thank you for your time.  Alive, Ekaterina

____________________________________________________________

Ekaterina:

I am sorry to hear of your struggles in your life.  You struggle with many issues that some of your fellow youth fight with daily.  And you know that each of us are unique and individual, created in the image of God.  And you know that you are a daughter of God, beautiful in His sight.  You know this already. 

But what you don't know is how you are intentionally blinding yourself to the goodness that is you.  Who cares what anyone else thinks?  Who cares if anyone accepts you as you are?  All that is trivial if you cannot accept you as you are.  Embrace your uniqueness.  Love your differences from others.  Rejoice in your individuality.  You and I are different.  Rejoice in that.  You are different from your parents.  Rejoice in that!  Work with what you have and are.  Why be like someone else?  Why try to be what others think is mature?  Just be you. 

Here is a definition of maturity for you:  being at peace with yourself.  That's what maturity is!  It is not about acting grown-up (whatever that means), or being successful in some financial way (show-offs are not mature).  That might sound like a worthless platitude to you, but truth is clear and evident:  God made you as you are and He doesn't want you to be like anyone else, and He doesn't want you to be beg to be loved because you already are loved.  And He doesn't want you to be miserable by being unhappy with you.  So if you think that your mother is disappointed in you, move on.  No one can judge you.  Only God can.  And God created you for His purpose and your happiness.  As long as you look at others and compare yourself with them, you will be unhappy.  As long as you see yourself and rejoice in your uniqueness, then you will be happy and find your place in the world.  

Love your specialness because no one is exactly like you!   Your place in the world is waiting for you to occupy it.  Take your God-created uniqueness and make something happen for you and others around you.  One day, people will be fighting to be your friend!  And when that  happens,  I hope you will be able to help others who struggle with issues similar to yours.  Who cares what anyone thinks about your individuality?  Only God can judge you, and God wants you to live life to the full.  Be at peace.  I am saying a special prayer for you now.  My prayer:  Help your daughter, Lord, see the positive that she is. 
 
Time to get on your knees, say thank you, God, for creating me, and ask Jesus to enter your heart so that you can be truly mature and find peace in being yourself.  My prediction for you is this:  one day, because of your maturity, people will be trying to be your friend and you will never be lonely again.  I see this happening!  You are blest indeed!
- Father Francisco



"I had two abortions.  I have such guilt over this. 
I was not Catholic then.  I was told all my sins were
forgiven after my Catholic baptism and confirmation. 
Please tell me if this is true?"  - Karin

 

Father Cervantes:

This may be a complicated question, when I was in my teens and very much ruled by what my mother told me to do, I had 2 abortions. I have such guilt over this and need to know that I have been forgiven, this keeps me awake at night and I worry daily concerning this. I was not a Catholic at the time and it was 30 years later l joyfully joined the Church. I was informed that all my sins had been forgiven at the time of my baptism, confirmation, I need so badly to know if this is true. I suffer so greatly over this and of course now knowing that this was a great sin, I need an answer.  Please if you can help me with this I would so greatly appreciate your response .  I have heard so many different opinions that my head spins from them. Thank you and I look forward to some
help in this issue.  - Karin

 _____________________________________________________________

Karin: 

Be at peace.  When you became Catholic and were baptized into the Church, everything, and I mean everything, that was sinful and broke your relationship with God in your past has been healed and reconciled to God and His Church.  Another way of saying it in clear language:  all is forgiven.  You became a new creation in Christ at your baptism.  In the New Testament, Saint Paul writes in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 5, Verse 17:  So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.  And all this is from God, Who has reconciled us to Himself through Christ!  Yet, if this still is a spiritual concern for you, please talk to your parish priest about this.  He can help you understand the depth of God's forgiveness of your sins.  You also must now forgive yourself by accepting God's unconditional love and forgiveness for your past. 

I might also add:  God may be calling you to help others who were caught in your kind of situation in your youth.  You have a unique life experience that can be put to use for the healing of others and for God's greater glory.  Be at peace.  God has you in His loving embrace forever!  -  Father  Cervantes


"I am a devout Christian but having a bit of trouble. 
There is a dark hole in my soul from many tours of
combat as a USA Marine.  I feel as if I have no place
in Heaven.  How can I forgive myself?" Tim

 

Father Cervantes:

My name is Tim I am a devout Christian, but I am having a bit of trouble.  I have been saved, but the dark hole in my soul from many tours of combat as a United States Marines makes me feel as if I have no place in heaven.  I am not sure what to do.  I need to find a way to forgive myself. Any words would help.  Thank you God Bless.  - Tim

 ________________________________________________________________________

Tim:

I want to thank you for your service to your country, the United States of America.  You have participated in selfless military service that not many can truly understand through experience.  I embrace you with the love of Christ whom you have accepted into your heart as your Lord and Savior.  I embrace you as a fellow brother on the road to salvation in heaven.  I embrace you with the hope of the resurrection and eternal life that we have in our faith in Jesus Christ.  I embrace you with the forgiveness, unconditional forgiveness, of God the Father.  I embrace you with the peace and healing power of the Holy Spirit.  Thank you for laying down your life for one's friends, for as the scripture states in the Gospel of John, Chapter 15, Verses 12 and 13: This is my commandment:  love one another as I love you.  No one has greater love than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.  

In battle, you not only lay down your life for your fellow Marines, you laid down your life for all of us and those of the foreign country that looked to you to defend them.  You have loved according to the gospel.  In the First Letter of Peter, Chapter 4, Verse 8 (I Peter 4:8), Peter writes this:  Let your love for one another be intense because love covers a multitude of sins.  Jesus is your Lord and Savior.  Jesus died for you on the cross.  Your intense love, especially in battle, has covered your many sins.  And the love of Christ has covered you before the Father in heaven! 

I know that you will continue to play back the many scenarios of battle, questioning yourself, wondering what could have been done better.  I know that you feel that you have sinned and you have questioned the morality of your own actions and the actions of those around you.  You have said things that you are ashamed of, profanity and even discriminatory and hateful phrases used to describe the people you met along the way to battle.  These things can weigh heavily on you and all who were with you.  But know that the Lord sees your loving and selfless heart and He forgives because Jesus has nailed all the sins of the world on that cross on Calvary 2000 years ago.  I want to repeat that because there is a part of your spirit that doubts God's love for you:  Jesus has nailed all the sins of the world on that cross on Calvary 2000 years ago. 

Since God is timeless (not limited by time and space as we are for God is infinite), Jesus saw you from the cross and He nailed your sins, all your sins, on the cross and He embraced you with His saving arms.  Jesus saw you 2000 years ago, saw your entire life, and He willingly died for you no matter what has happened in your life.  Now, it is up to you to accept that forgiveness, move on, learn from your past experiences, and through your faith, make the world a better place.  As you know, there are military veterans who come back from war and battle and suffer from survivor's guilt, post traumatic stress, and other issues.  You must place your faith in Jesus into action.  You may be called by God Himself to help your fellow veterans, for you know what it is like to carry burdens that weigh heavily on your shoulders. 

May I suggest that you get involved in veterans groups, support groups, or even do your own ministry of healing and reconciliation to your fellow veterans.  You need, no, you are expected by Jesus to share the gift of forgiveness that you have received through your faith.  An appropriate song here is this:  Amazing Grace, how sweet it sounds, that saved a wretch like me.  Now, share that song with as many as you can.  In doing so, your love for others will cover your sins and help others know the amazing grace of God's forgiveness. 

By the way, when God makes a promise, He will not break it.  When you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, Jesus made a promise to you:  salvation!  God is faithful.  Jesus won't break His promise.  You already have your mansion in heaven (see John 14:1-2) with your name on it.  Do not despair.  Rejoice in Jesus who died for you, loved you, and wants you to live with Him in heaven for all eternity with all your fellow veterans! Be at peace!  - Father Cervantes




"How do I not become ill worrying about my
grandson not being baptized?   Can I baptize
him?  What do I do? - Sandra

Hello! God is good!

I am a Catholic raised new grandma….of 44 years.  My husband and I have been very blessed, have been raising our 3 children (son 21, son 13, daughter 10) in the Catholic Church.  We attend mass every Sunday. All of our children are altar servers.  Compared to most families, we are well off.  We are very loving and generous people. Our oldest son, managed to graduate 4 years of music college(in 2) in the top 5 of his class, bury his grandmother who died of sudden terminal cancer, and become a young unwed father in a matter of 9 months and a bit.  He has since stopped going to Church. He has moved out to live with his now “fiancé” and her mother and father (who are not married) but have received their sacraments of baptism, first communion and confirmation.  Being 21 and “knowing everything”, I am sure with the persuasion of his fiancé, native Indian, (whom I adore) they have decided that baptism is not for their child.  That there are too many problems in the Catholic Church and that they feel they are very “good people” and love God and don’t suddenly believe it’s important to go to church or make vows in front of strangers, for the sake of everyone knowing they’ve baptized their child.  Needless to say, my dad ( recently widowed) and now living with us, also a devout Catholic his whole life, every Sunday church-goer,… is disappointed beyond words.  As I am.  My devastation can’t be expressed, it goes that deep.  What do I do. What on earth do I do?  My husband says, we have to let go, and let him make his own decisions.  That he has to decide based on his relationship and his living circumstances (our doors are always open to them to live here- but they have chosen to struggle with her family) I know you can’t “make” someone believe in God. But how do I not become ill worrying about my grandson, can I baptize him? What do I do? My dad is so
hurt that his first grandson has turned his back on the church.  He has been his pride and joy since the day he was born. Now my dad talks about not wanting to communicate with him because of his decision.  This would kill me.  I ask for your most sincere advice. Desperately.  If this wasn’t difficult enough, I now hear of talk from the fiancé, that she’d like to get married in a beautiful barn. I’m assuming without a priest.  Please shed some  light here.  Perhaps you can hear God….I am drowning in a difficult year.  Thank you so much for your time. - Sandra


_______________________________________________________

Sandra:

I want you to remember what you wrote in the first line of your letter:  God is good.  I don't want you to forget it.  Because once you forget how good God is, then you plunge into the darkness that Satan has created by his own hate of His Creator, God Himself.  Once you forget the goodness that already surrounds you, you become blind and worry about things that you cannot control.  God is good -- all the time.  Don't forget it.

With that said, your son is an adult.  He no longer lives under your roof.  He is on his own, responsible to God for his actions and decisions.  Their son, your grandson, is under their protective love no matter how that love is defined.  You do not say that they are the worst of parents.  You do give the impression that they are good parents, different from your parenting style, but good and loving parents.  That is a blessing.  You say that you "adore" your son's girlfriend.  So, that is a blessing.  Right now, they have decided to go their own way, on a road that is different from yours.
 
I am reminded of the story of the Prodigal Son in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 15, Verses 11 through 32.  In that parable that Jesus told, a son demanded his inheritance from his father and squandered it on "a life of dissipation."  Notice that the loving father in the story didn't stop his son from going.  Didn't even stop his son from taking his part of his inheritance (way before his father died).   Notice that the father didn't beg his son to stay, didn't throw angry fits, didn't question his parental skills, didn't try to stop him with threats or "guilt trips."  And notice that the father didn't question God and His goodness.  Instead, the loving father let him go to learn from his own experience what kind of blessing he had at home.  And, as the story goes, the son did return, humbled, wiser, with the experience of knowing that he was always blest at home.  You are in the position of the prodigal son's parents who waited for him to return with great love and patience.  As your son grows and matures in his role as father, he will soon realize what you have taught him from his youth.  I am always reminded of my parents' curse to us, their children.  They always said, "What you did to us will be done to you when you have children."  Well, my siblings certainly understand what my parents were trying to say:  that with the experience of parenthood comes wisdom and the realization that our parents were wise beyond what we could ever imagine.  Your son and future daughter-in-law will learn from their mistakes and will learn how much our Christian faith is the food of the family, what makes the family stick together in unity.  But your son must first have the experience of what it is like to fall and need God in their lives.  Some children don't need to have that kind of painful experience to appreciate and need faith in Jesus Christ (they are the "lucky" ones).  From my experience as a pastor, most children of parents have to experience the darkness before they realize the need for the brightness of the love of God in their lives.

So, please, be at peace. Watch and wait as did the father of the prodigal son.  Your son must forge his own destiny.  And one day, he will return to the faith that you have embraced and have given you strength in all things.  Any negative messages from you or your husband, overt or subconscious, will close the door on their returning to the faith.  Your own father, if he chooses not to talk to his own grandson and great grandson, will do more damage in the future of your entire family.  There is no need to "punish" your son, future daughter-in-law, and your grandson with the silent treatment.  It accomplishes nothing but to add to the darkness of misunderstanding and hate that comes from Satan.  Any negative response to this situation will play into the devil's hands. 

Remember what you said with such gusto:  God is good.  He is good, and He will protect your grandson though he is not baptized, and God is good that He will take care of these new parents.  And one day, your son will come "home" to the Church, to the faith of Jesus Christ because God is good.  So, stop your negativity.  Stop the spiritual tantrums.  Be like the loving father of the bible.  It will clear up any confusion you have right now.  Trust in God's providence and plan for your son, grandson and your entire family -- for God is good!  - Father Francisco

 


"I am haunted by the problem of free will.  Can
you help?" - Jonas

Dear Father,

I am currently writing this question because I am haunted by the problem of free will. First of all let me use C.S. Lewis’s quote to explain what I really mean by free will:

“God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong, but I can't. If a thing is free to be good it's also free to be bad.”  As you can see for me determinism and free will are not compatible. If all of my actions are governed by the interaction of my genes with the environment then I do not possess free will because I haven’t chosen my genes nor the environment in which I was raised.  Now my problem lies here if what Arthur Schopenhauer said is true, ‘Man can do what he wills and cannot will what he wills”, then we’re not free. Because every time we choose something, we choose what we desire most. For example if I have the option to steal, but I choose not to because when I was young they taught me not to steal and because I have good genes, then I do not posses free will. In other words if our desires and our character determines what we do(both of which we had no control over) how can God send people to heaven or hell since they could not have chosen otherwise. 

For example let's use this decision of me sending this e-mail. I had the desire to stop feeling depressed and to seek truth so a thought came up in my mind to send it and I sent it. If I didn't feel this desire I wouldn't have sent it.  I tried to get over this problem by saying we have a soul, but even then if my soul chooses, my actions are being determined by my soul which I didn’t choose.  Thanks a lot for reading my question.  Regards, Jonas

 ____________________________________________________________

Jonas:

We are all free will beings.  We are not determined nor defined by any genetic structures.  We have been made in the image of God, that image that is also free willed and determiner of destiny.  Without free will, there can be no faith, no true love.  And since we have been made in the image of God, we are reflections of the Divine in all its glory.   

In regards to genetic structures of the human body and brain, one could have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism and drug abuse, usually genetic markers passed down from generation to generation.  Yet, that person with that kind of genetic predisposition doesn't have to act on any genetic signals.  That's what free will is all about:  the ability to determine my own destiny.  I have met people who have that kind of alcoholic family genetic background and they choose not to drink and fall into the temptation of drinking.  They made a free choice to be free from this family "curse" so that they can be truly at peace without the pain of addiction. 

Even though I did not choose how I was created, I do choose every action that I do freely.  I may be tempted to go into any direction, good (life-giving) or bad (destructive), but it is I who chose that destiny.  Without true free will, there can be no real faith or love.  I cannot be forced into faith.  I cannot be forced into true love, the giving of one's heart to another. 

If God did not create us with free will, then He cannot expect us to love Him and everything that Jesus taught is for nothing.  Yet, Jesus came, the Son of God, human and divine, by His Own free will, to teach us that through true and free-willed faith and love, we can attain, by our own free wills, the absolute union with the Godhead, our Creator.  Without this free will, we are nothing more than useless pawns in some Divine game.  Without free will, then we become moral-less creatures without any kind of accountability to anyone or anything. 

Now, to me, there is no problem about free will.  I am free to do with what I have for the greater good or for evil.  I am free to build my destiny to be life-giving or to be destructive.  I am free to be happy and fulfilled or not.  Even with my particular genetic structures, I am free to act on any genetic messages or not to respond.  Once again, without free will, why believe?  With free will, I believe because it is through faith in God and my future union (love) with that Divine Creator that I have a reason to live!  I live for the Creator and the Creator gave me His Laws to govern my life (the bible calls them commandments, and the Church also defines as natural law).  

We are free!  We are not determined.  I alone determine what my life will be.  God responds to my determination accordingly.  God responds to my free will.  If I do not have free will, then God becomes irrelevant since I cannot be free in my life and actions, and I do not have to be accountable to Him.  There you have it!  -   Father Francisco    

 

 

 

 

 

 


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