MAY/JUNE 2016
ASK A PRIEST
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
FATHER LAZARUS CHAWDI
PRIEST STAFF
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF
PRIEST STAFF
"I am new to the
Catholic faith and looking unto way of doing
self
mortification as a form of prayer. I tried
using a hairshirt and a
metal cilice around my waist. Is it a sin to
wear a cilice without
permission from a spiritual director?" - Keith
Father Francisco:
My
name is Keith, a 29 year old Catholic who is
fairly new to the faith. I was looking into ways
of doing self mortification as a form of prayer.
Since I have never been very good at fasting, I
tried using a hairshirt and a metal cilice
around the waist a few times. I found it to be
quite a powerful way of learning to deny my
faith by denying myself some of life's most
taken for granted comfort. However, I read
somewhere that it is a sin to use a cilice
without permission and guidance from a spiritual
director. This concerned me because even though
I see great results from using it so far, I do
not wish to sin. Is this true that permission is
required? And if so, how can I go about asking
permission if I do not have a spiritual
director? Thank you.
-
Keith
________________________________________________________________
Keith:
I am not one to recommend any kind of physical
mortification that you described such as a
hairshirt or metal cilice. I would never use
these kinds of mortification for the reason of
gaining spiritual maturity. No where in the
scriptures does it even recommend such a course
of mortification for spiritual enlightenment or
faith growth since Jesus took all punishment and
mortification by His death on the cross (outside
of fasting which is considered a form of prayer
and mortification of the soul). You do need a
spiritual director, and a spiritual director can
be found in your parish priest or deacon, or can
even be recommended to you by your
local diocesan office by the asking. You need
to meet with a spiritual director every two
weeks at a minimum. As a spiritual director
myself, I would never recommend this kind of
physical mortification.
There are other ways of spiritual discipline,
such as volunteering your services in the many
good causes the church has or even the community
at large has. The sacrifice of your time in
loving your neighbor is a "sweet smelling
offering" to the Lord. But if you are really
in need of this kind of physical mortification
for your spiritual maturity in Christ, please
contact your local
Opus
Dei
group. They may have a list of spiritual
directors that will guide you in regards to this
kind of penance.
As for me, once again. I would never recommend
this kind of spiritual and physical
mortification. Here is the official website
for
Opus
Dei
in the USA:
http://www.opusdei.org/en-us/
This special ministry is designed for the
spiritual maturity in Christ of the laity and
have good spiritual directors that will help you
in your journey to heaven. Remember, you will
be meeting with your spiritual director at least
two times a month! This is a serious commitment
that you make to God and yourself to grow in
wisdom in the Holy
Spirit. -
Father Francisco
I made
a promise tp God that I would stop cutting
myself but it does not say anywhere it is a
grave sin.
Am I going to hell for this?" Ryan
Father Francisco:
I
made a promise a while ago to God that I would
stop self harming/cutting myself. I can't
remember if it was a swear or a promise but I
believe I said promise. Tonight I slipped up and
cut myself, I knew what I was doing and I
consented to myself but it does not say anywhere
that it is a grave sin. I would just like to
know if it is because if it is, I want to try
and repent. I will repent either way but I want
to try and avoid hell and beg God for mercy. In
short, is it a grave sin and am I going to hell
for it? Please get back to me as soon as
possible. Sincerely, Ryan
____________________________________________________________________
Ryan:
Self-harm or self-mutilation is a person's
response to anxiety, pressure, burdens of life,
depression, or a series of difficult emotions.
Self-harm or self-injury is considered sinful
because it is going against the commandment of
the New Covenant in Jesus Christ: love your
neighbor as yourself. The commandment is not
only to love your neighbor but to love yourself
that you would not do your body any harm, for
your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and
your body is not yours solely, but belongs to
God. Here is what the New Testament says about
this, in I Corinthians, Chapter 6, Verses
19-20:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of
the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from
God, and that you are not your own? For you
have been purchased at a price. Therefore,
glorify God in your body!
So, there you have it: self-injury is not
glorifying God in your body. Self-injury is a
sin against the temple of the Holy Spirit which
is your body.
Jesus, by His death on the cross, has purchased
you through the shedding of His Blood and His
death and suffering on the cross. Jesus doesn't
want you to suffer at your own hands because you
have difficulties in life that need to be
overcome through prayer and dialog with God. I
don't know if you have sought help for this
addicting and destructive behavior.
I recommend that you find out why you are
seeking to self-injure yourself and find out the
reasons for this behavior. Meanwhile, pray to
God right now and then sit in silence and accept
that God loves you no matter what. In your
silent prayer time, open your heart to the
Infinite Love of Jesus who wishes to heal you
from self-injury! -
Father Francisco
"I am
Catholic and my girlfriend is a baptized
Christian but
does not want to convert to Catholicism. If we
marry
outdoors will my church accept this?"
Christopher
Father
Cervantes:
I have
been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months and
we have decided that we want to get married. I
am a confirmed Catholic and although I am not a
perfect Catholic. I can see how the Catholic
faith has helped me through life as I've grown
up. My girlfriend is a baptized Christian but
she is not Catholic and does not with to convert
which I have no problem with.
She wishes to
have our wedding outdoors as do I but I believe
the Catholic Church does not allow this and I do
not understand why. I believe that it is
important to profess the sacrament of marriage
in the community of your loved ones but I wish
it to be outside with nature and God's creation.
My worry is that I will not be able to have my
marriage accepted by the Catholic Church because
of the location and this thought is troubling to
me most of all because I feel deep down that God
would accept a marriage of two Christians who
profess their love and promise to have and hold
each other throughout life under God. Can you
offer any advice and possibly an explanation for
the Catholic Church's stance on this subject?
-Christopher
____________________________________________________________
Christopher:
You are correct in stating that the Catholic
Church would not preside at an outdoor marriage
ceremony between two Catholics. Your fiancee is
not Catholic, but I will come back to that
later. The Church's stance on the location of
the celebration of the sacrament of marriage is
simple: all solemnizing of marriage must happen
in a sacred place called a church. Why?
Because a marriage between two Catholics isn't
all about them only. The marriage of a man and
woman within the sacrament of marriage takes on
a sacred meaning that is extremely important in
the Church: that marriage is the living
breathing symbol of Christ's love for His
Church. For Christ's bride is the Church, all
of us believers in Him. In the scriptures, in
Ephesians, Chapter 5, Verses 31-32, Saint Paul
writes this about the sacred sacrament of
marriage:
For this reason, a man shall leave his father
and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the
two shall become one flesh. This is a great
mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and
His Church.
So, you see, the Church is also part of your
marriage -- for your marriage is a sign that
Christ is going to be joined to His bride, the
Church, as described in Revelation, Chapter 21,
Verses 1-2:
Then I saw a new heavens and a new earth. The
former heavens and the former earth had passed
away, and the sea was no more. I also
saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down
out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride for
her Husband.
That Husband is Jesus Christ, and His bride is
the Church (the new Jerusalem), the body of all
believers! For Catholic Christians, the
sacrament of marriage is SO MUCH MORE than the
bride and groom. That marriage also represents
our future as being totally united with our Lord
and Savior, Jesus Christ, in a unity and
intimacy that is found in a sacramental
marriage. That's why all Catholic
weddings happen in a church because of what it
represents. And each marriage generates life
just like God generates life through His love.
That's why EVERYONE in the parish is invited to
witness the exchange of marital vows even though
they did not receive one of your special
invitations. Why? Because each Catholic
sacramental marriage shows us our future with
Jesus Christ at the end of time. Now, let's get
back to your fiancee who is a Christian but not
a Catholic.
If your fiancee doesn't want to have your
marriage solemnized within the parish church as
required of all Catholics, then you can apply,
through your parish priest or deacon, for a
dispensation from form
so that you can have your marriage recognized by
the Church as a sacramental marriage
representing Christ's love for His bride, the
Church. You can have your marriage witnessed by
a Christian minister in another place outside
the parish church because of your non-Catholic
fiancee (to keep the peace between Catholic and
non-Catholic parties). But I would hope
that you both would make a decision to have your
sacramental marriage solemnized in your parish
church. Nonetheless, because of your fiancee,
you can be married in another location. You
would still be required to fulfill the
requirements for marriage preparation
as described by your diocesan Family Life
office.
May God bless you both, and remember, this
marriage is MORE than you: it is about Christ
and His bride, the Church, and our future
salvation that you will symbolize all your
life. Congratulations! By the way, here is
what a
dispensation from form
document looks like for your information:
http://www.archbalt.org/about-us/chancery/upload/Petition-for-Dispensation-from-Canonical-Form.pdf
Your local diocese has its own version of this
form, but the information asked is the same.
- Father Cervantes
"My
teenage son has been diagnosed with major
depressive
disorder and has suicidal thoughts. He does not
want
to attend Mass. What should I do?" - Mary
Father
Francisco:
My teenaged son
has recently (February of this year) been
diagnosed with major depressive disorder and has
admitted to me that he has had suicidal thoughts
– although he does not have a plan to commit
suicide. He also says he does not believe in
God anymore and does not want to go to Mass. He
has tried two anti-depressants which made his
suicidal thoughts and depression much worse and
now he refuses to use medications. He went to a
therapist three times and won’t go anymore as he
feels she could not help him. He does not want
to go to Mass anymore, although I tell him he
has to go – at least for me. I don’t know
whether to just let him stop going or what to
say to convince him to just go and be open to
it. He walked out of church last Sunday right
before Communion and went to wait in the car.
He says Mass causes him “mental distress”.
Obviously, I am praying like crazy for him but
any advice you have would be helpful. I never
know the right thing to say and he argues with
me constantly that there is no proof that God
exists and that his (my son’s) prayers for
proof of His existence were never answered. I
think the depression and the loss of his faith
go hand in hand. I also think his friends both
at school and online have contributed to this a
great deal. He values all opinions above mine,
as I am his parent. - Mary
______________________________________________________________
Mary:
You do not say how old your son is. But being
diagnosed with a depressive disorder is a major
medical conclusion. This diagnosis means that
your son's brain chemical balance is not normal
and he is acting out of this chemical
imbalance. He is not in total control of his
emotions and therefore, he is not in total
control of his decisions and actions. Let me
say
clearly that
this major depressive disorder is not your fault
and is not indicative of your parental skills.
Your son's depressive disorder is not in your
control as well. Your son is unable to take
control of all the emotions and intrusive
thoughts that come with this mental illness.
Your son does not have yet the self-knowledge
and maturity to recognize when his brain is
tricking him into thinking destructive and
selfish thoughts. That's why therapy with a
psychiatrist (a medical doctor trained in these
issues) is extremely important. He needs to
talk this out so that he can learn the skills
necessary to gain some mastery over the symptoms
of major depression.
He also needs medication to balance the brain
chemicals. This takes time for the medication
to be adjusted for his particular brain and body
chemistry. This takes some "experimenting"
until the balance is achieved. This will take a
lot of time and your son probably doesn't have
the patience for a two year intensive therapy
program. Usually, people who have a major
depressive disorder also have a difficulty in
large groups, such as Mass. But I like what you
are doing: getting him out of himself and get
him to Mass and at least have some contact with
people who are outside of his comfort zone. The
reception of the Holy Eucharist is important for
him.
As long as he knows that God and Church loves
him just as he is and loves him despite
his struggles which are beyond him, he can at
least go forward in knowing that he is not hated
for being different. Continue to pray for him
and continue to engage him without judgment.
Allow me to suggest one thing: Begin each day
with a simple parental blessing for him. When
he wakes up, say this special prayer over him:
"Loving Father, bless my son and protect him
this day because you love him no matter what.
(then
do a sign of the cross over him like a
priest/deacon does)
In the name of the Father and of the
Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen."
Do that each day, no matter how he feels, and
hug him. If you do that everyday, he will
soften and realize that he needs to learn how to
achieve some control of this major depressive
disorder. May the Lord bless you always. -
Father Cervantes
Michael:
The laws of the Old Covenant are now annulled
and no longer apply. The dietary laws of the
Mosaic Covenant no longer apply because Jesus
fulfilled them all, and now ALL things are
clean. You have not read the New Testament
well. We are no longer under the Old Law.
Jesus fulfilled that Law and we live in a New
Covenant sealed with the Blood of Jesus Christ. Jesus says so in the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 5, Verse 17: Do not
think that I have come to abolish the Law or
the prophets. I have not come to abolish but to
fulfill!
In the Acts of the Apostles, Chapter 10, Verses
9-33, God dispensed the Old Law and its dietary
restrictions in Peter's vision. Here is an
excerpt from that vision:
A voice said
to him, "Get up, Peter, Slaughter and eat." But
Peter said, "Certainly not, sir. For never have
I eaten anything profane and unclean." The
voice spoke to him again, a second time, "What
God has made clean, you are not to call
profane." This happened three times....
Here, it is so clear that God in the New
Covenant sealed with the Blood of Christ has
made ALL things clean, and therefore there is NO
SUCH THING as unclean or forbidden foods for
Christians. Christians are free from the entire
Old Law, everything in that Old Law, because
Jesus fulfilled the entire Old Law by His One
Sacrifice on the cross. Jesus' Blood is the New
Covenant.
So, all that was forbidden in the Old Law (and
in the Old Testament) no longer binds Christians
who profess Jesus as Lord and Savior. Saint
Paul, in his letter to the Romans, Chapter 7,
especially Verses 4-6, states this about
adherence to anything in the Old Law and the Old
Covenant as described in the Old Testament:
In the same
way, brothers, you also were put to death to the
Law through the body of Christ, so that you
might belong to one another, to the One Who was
raised from the dead that we might bear fruit
for God. For when we were in the flesh, our
sinful passions, awakened by the Law, worked in
our members to bear fruit for death. But now,
we are RELEASED from the Law, dead to what held
us captive, so that we may serve in the newness
of the spirit and not under the obsolete letter.
The apostles made this clear in the First
Council of the Church, the Council of Jerusalem
described in the Acts of the Apostles, Chapter
15. In that First Council of the Church, the
apostles were discussing the whole issue of the
Old Law and how it should be applied to the new
Christians from all over the world. In Acts
15:5, the argument was made like this:
But some of the party of the Pharisees who
became believers stood up and said, "It is
necessary to circumcise them and direct them to
observe the Mosaic Law." The apostles and the
presbyters met together to see about this
matter. After much debate, Peter got up and
said to them, (skip to Verse 10), "Why then are
you putting God to the test by placing on the
shoulders of the disciples a yoke that neither
our ancestors nor we have been able to bear? On
the contrary, we believe that we are saved
through the grace of the Lord Jesus, in the same
way as they."
The conclusion of this Council is in Acts
15:28-29:
It is the
decision of the Holy Spirit and of us not to
place on you any burden beyond these
necessities, namely, to abstain from meat
sacrificed to idols, from blood, from meats of
strangled animals, and from unlawful marriage.
If you keep free of these, you will be doing
what is right. Farewell.
Notice that the apostles did not say to keep
the Law. The apostles did say that we are free
from the Old Law and its restrictions.
Saint Paul spends much of his time on making
sure that we as Christians know that we are free
from the Law. We have a New Law, and that is
the Law of Faith in Jesus Christ, and that faith
washes us in the Blood of Christ and we are made
clean, the whole world is made clean, the whole
universe is made clean. That's why pork and all
unclean foods and meats described in the Old
Testament and Old Law have been made clean by
the Blood of Christ! In Romans, Chapter 10,
Verses 9-13, Saint Paul writes this:
For, if you
confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and
believe in your heart that God raised Him from
the dead, you WILL be saved. For one believes
with the heart and so is justified, and one
confesses with the mouth and so is saved. For
the scripture says, "No one who believes in Him
will be put to shame."
Notice that there is NOTHING about being under
the Old Mosaic Law. Being a Christian means we
walk by faith! We live the faith! Our faith
pushes us forward to heaven by what we do in
faithfully following the NEW COMMANDMENTS of the
New Covenant described in the Gospel of John,
Chapter 13, Verses 13-35:
Jesus said, "I give you a new commandment: love
one another. As I have loved you, so you should
love one another. This is how all will know
that you are My disciples, if you have love for
one another."
Notice Jesus didn't say that the world will know
us as His disciples if we don't eat pork, which
was made CLEAN by God and the Blood of Christ.
Notice Jesus didn't say that we must follow the
dictates of the Old Law. He simply said to love
one another. To make this point even clearer,
Saint Paul in his letter to the Galatians,
Chapter 2, Verses 15-21, writes this to make
sure that we understand that as Christians, we
are no longer adhering to the dictates of the
Old Law:
Yet who know
that a person is not justified by the works of
the Law but through faith in Jesus
Christ...because by works of the Law, no one is
justified....I live by faith in the Son of God
who has loved me and given Himself up for me. I
do not nullify the grace of God; for if
justification comes through the Law, then Christ
died for nothing.
The whole New Testament is about our salvation
from death and sin and freedom from the Old Law
and all its restrictions. But this faith has
placed on me a new way of life in Jesus, a way
of life that demands that I fulfill in my life
the two commandments of the New Covenant: Love
God with all our hearts, minds, soul and
strength, and to Love our neighbor as
ourselves. Saint John writes this in his First
Letter, I John, Chapter 3, Verses 19-24:
We keep his
commandments and do what pleases Him. And His
commandments is this: we should believe in the
Name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and love one
another just as He commanded us. Those who keep
His commandments remain in Him, and He in them.
Please notice that the New Commandment of the
New Covenant have NOTHING to do with Old Law
dietary restrictions. The commandments of the
New Covenant are simple, yet MORE DIFFICULT to
keep than the Old Law, and demands more
spiritual discipline and spiritual maturity:
(1) Love God with all your heart, soul and
strength and mind; (2) Love your neighbor as
yourself (see Matthew 22:37-40), and (3) Love
one another (John 13:34), (4) Believe in the
Name of Jesus (I John 3:23). That's it for
Christians, yet these commandments are the most
difficult to live out since loving God,
neighbor, and ourselves is the ultimate
challenge for sinful human beings that don't
usually act in love.
So, with all this in mind, the words of Jesus,
that you quoted in your question, makes
absolutely sense, as seen in the Gospel of Mark,
Chapter 7, Verse 15:
Nothing that
enters one from the outside can defile a person;
but the things that come out from within are
what defile.
Since all things are clean in the New Covenant
in Jesus, all things are available for my
nutrition. The whole world is made clean. The
only DIRTY, PROFANE and EVIL things that exist
come from within us. But through my
life-changing faith in Jesus, that can be
changed forever! Alleluia! As a side note, the
discipline of the Catholic Church enables me to
fulfill the commandments of the New Covenant and
keep me always loving God with my entire being
and to love my neighbor and myself. Christian
discipline is a challenge. But through my
faith, I can do all things in Christ (see
Philippians 4:13)!!!! What God has forbidden
(as food) in the Old Law has now been made clean
by the same God and available to all believers
in Jesus through His Blood shed for us on the
cross! -
Father Cervantes
"Are St. Mathew, St. Mark, St. Luke, and St.
John
considered Angels?" - Geriann
Father Cervantes:
Are
St. Matthew, St. Mark, St. Luke and St. John
considered angels? My grandma had taught me a
bedtime prayer years ago. There are four
corners on my bed, there are four ANGELS daily
spread, St. Matt, St. Mark, St. Luke, St. John
God bless this bed that I lie on. God within
me, God without me, sweet Jesus Christ always be
about me. I assume the angels are the four
saints. My question is I thought humans never
become angels…..that’s why this prayers is
confusing to me. Thanks for your time! -
Geriann
________________________________________________________________
Geriann:
I appreciate your confusion. The four gospel
writers, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, are
human beings, who died, and are now in heaven
beholding the face of God. And according to the
Christian scriptures (the New Testament), in the
Gospel of Luke, Chapter 22, Verses 29-30, Jesus
said this to His twelve apostles:
I confer a
kingdom on you, just as the Father conferred one
on me, that you may eat and drink at My table in
the kingdom; and you will sit on thrones judging
the twelve tribes of Israel.
So, the apostles will also sit on judgment on
all who come before the throne of God! But the
apostles are NOT angels (saints and future
judges at the end of time, but they are not
angels). The little poetic prayer that you were
taught was a little prayer for protection! It
is a children's prayer that brings great comfort
for children who may be afraid of the dark. I
have personally never heard of this prayer until
now, but I do recognize that the prayer is a
comforting poem for fearful children. The
prayer that you say does not imply that Matthew,
Mark, Luke and John are the angels that are
protecting the four posts of your bed. The
prayer does say that there are four "guardian
angels" watching over you, and that the
intercessory prayers of the four gospel writers
are with you during the night. The prayer
CLEARLY states that the angels guard, and that
the four saints pray for the one in the bed.
You have misunderstood the little prayer! Once
again, the four posts have angels that guard the
one who sleeps in the bed, and Saints Matthew,
Mark, Luke, and John are asked to pray to our
Lord Jesus (our one Mediator before the Father)
for the protection of the one who sleeps in the
bed. Thanks for sharing the prayer. I have to
remember it! -
Father Cervantes
"Our
oldest son has shared with us that he is
hearing God speak to him. How do we handle
this?" - Vicki
Father Cervantes:
I am hoping you can give some insight to help me
to know how to handle this situation. son has
shared with us that he is hearing God speak to
him. While this is amazing, we are afraid he is
also mixing it with a little bit of new age and
we are not sure how to handle it. He says a lot
about God and shares some really good things
that he feels the Lord is sharing with him but
is also saying that we are God. This is just a
bit of one of his texts he sent us. "He is
living as you, you don't need to pray to him you
already are him as he has manifested himself
through each and every single one of us. We have
been raised to believe in religions and to pray
to higher power but we are awakening to realize
that God created us In this world as his
greatest power that will ever exist in this
universe. We are the creators of everything that
will ever happen here and God is us doing all of
it. It's up to our souls to finally awake to
that realization over lifetimes of religions of
the times we keep being tricked but there is an
awakening in humanity happening and like myself,
people are finally seeing this and reading we
are all one God . Religion is a false prophet .
Over the next 50-100 years a new spirituality
will arise. How do we handle this? He wants us
to leave our Catholic Faith because of all that
he is experiencing and feels God is telling him
this.
Any advice will be appreciated. Vicki
__________________________________________
Vicki:
Well, your son is terribly mislead. He must be
reading things that are making him confused
about the relationship we have with our Creator,
God. We are not God. If we were, then we would
not die. If we were God, we would be able to
desire and it would be created. If we were God,
there would be no limits of time and space. But
we are limited, and we are limited not only to
our bodies, but limited by time and space. If
we were God, we would automatically always act
in love and life, but we don't always act in
love and life. We are not the Creator. We are
the created. We are limited. I am concerned
that your son may be exhibiting signs of mental
and emotional illness or he is being deceived by
someone who is feeding him this spiritual
mishmash of errors. I am concerned for his
mental stability. You do not say the age of
your deceived son. How do you handle this? You
should ask him to see a psychiatrist or a
psychologist to help him in this illness of
hearing God's voice, a voice that is saying
things that are not true.
Religious obsession and religious psychosis is a
mental illness that can be treated with
counseling and medical intervention. As to his
demanding that you leave the one true faith
in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you can
simply say, "That's not going to happen." And
let that be your final word. There is no need
to argue with him or to engage in his
deceptions. Just let him talk. You can't have
a decent discussion with someone who is obsessed
with his own version of the world. Your son
needs medical intervention. Let's pray for his
healing and freedom from this religious
obsession and psychosis. - Father Cervantes
"After going to
confession, the next day I blurted out, "God,
those people are loud in a restaurant". Is that
taking the
Lord's name in vain when I didn't mean to?" -
Colleen
Father
Francisco:
I went to
confession last weekend. The next day I blurted
out, "God, those people are loud in a
restaurant". Is that taking the Lord's name in
vain when I didn't mean to?" - Colleen
_____________________________________________________________
Colleen:
Please be at peace. Taking God's Name in vain
has to do with making a false oath, making a
false promise to God, using God's Name in a
blasphemous way, which you did not do. I do
this too, but not loudly.
Usually, I see it as part of my continuing
dialog with God. Since I am aware of God's
presence in my life, I find that I am always
talking with Him and sharing things that happen
with Him. That's what you were doing. But it
shows
not
that you used God's Name in vain, but it shows
that you are impatient and judgmental with
people.
If people are loud in a restaurant, there must
be a reason that you don't understand. Maybe
they were joyous and were celebrating an
important family event, or maybe they have
children who are quite active, or maybe they are
hard of hearing. Nonetheless, patience
(and Christian acceptance of all as they are) is
always required. So, the sin is not using God's
Name (by the way, you weren't doing that), but
the sin is in your judgment and impatience with
someone else. Please be at peace.
- Father
Francisco
I am a
stay at home mom. homeschooling mother of 5
young
children in ages from 7 months- to eight years
old via c-sections.
NFP has not been
successful for us, but I feel like we have
discerned
that abstinence is not a good for us either.
Please advise." - Melissa
Father Francisco:
I am
a stay at home, homeschooling mother of 5 young
children ranging in ages from 7 months - 8 years
old all born via c-section. We are abundantly
blessed, but our hands are very full caring for
the all of our other children. We struggle to
get our school work done, the house is usually a
huge mess, and I don't ever feel like I am
giving all of my children my best and what they
deserve. Needless to say, at this time we have
very good reasons to try to limit our family
size. So, my struggle and question lies in the
fact that my body has fooled us while
breastfeeding and doing NFP and for the last
four pregnancies I have gotten pregnant at about
10 months post-partum. So, NFP has not been
successful for us, but I feel like we have
discerned that abstinence is not a good for us
either. The longer we go without our marital
embrace the more stressed out and angry we both
seem to get towards each other and that is not
good for the family. And we do really respect
each other and try to give to one another when
we are together and benefit from the unitive end
of the conjugal act. So, for us, it seems that
we are in a very special situation where the use
of contraception may not be a mortal sin, of
course grave and not to be taken lightly. But
it just doesn't seem like something that is
obviously good for us as a couple should be
avoided all together since our track record with
NFP is bad and I really can't get pregnant since
I have had 5 c-sections all very close together.
Please advise. - Melissa
_________________________________________________________________
Melissa:
I thank God for your family, and I thank God for
you as loving and caring parents. I thank God
that you are taking charge of your children's
education. I thank God for your children who
will one day make this world a better place.
And through their own children, the world will
continue to grow towards unity with our Creator
at the end of time. You are a treasure, and
your marriage is truly a reflection of God's
love for us all. Once again, thank you. You
humble me. I wish I had more people like you in
my parish! You are a blessing. As to your
question about the use of artificial means of
birth control, this is a personal decision that
you and your husband must make for the greater
good of your family. Even the encyclical of
Pope Paul VI,
Humanae Vitae,
Pope Paul writes this about responsible
parenthood in paragraph/section 10 of the
encyclical:
With regard to physical, economic, psychological
and social conditions, responsible parenthood is
exercised by those who prudently and generously
decide to have more children, and by those who,
for serious reasons and with due respect to
moral precepts, decide not to have additional
children for either a certain or an indefinite
period of time.
Responsible
parenthood,
as we use the term here, has one further
essential aspect of paramount importance. It
concerns the objective moral order which was
established by God, and of which a right
conscience is the true interpreter.
In a word, the exercise of responsible
parenthood requires that husband and wife,
keeping a right order of priorities, recognize
their own duties toward God, themselves, their
families and human society.
So, Pope Paul
(and the teaching Church) expects you as parents
to be responsible parents. Since you state that
you need to limit the size of your family, it is
important that you take the means to do so.
Since you say that Natural Family Planning does
not seem to work for you, then I ask you to see
your medical doctor to discuss other options.
You are free to do so. In your individual and
unique situation, the use of artificial means
of responsible family planning would not be
considered sinful. In your particular case, it
may be necessary for the good of the family,
as Pope Paul writes.
Be at peace. You have done God's Will for your
marriage and your family by being open to life
and love. And remember, even if you should have
more children, God will provide. That's a
promise. And even if you don't have more
children, God will continue to provide and love
your family eternally! How blest you are.
Thank you for your family! You have made my
day!
Here is the link to the actual encyclical,
Humanae Vitae,
so that you can read the teaching yourself in
its entirety:
http://w2.vatican.va/content/paul-vi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae.html
-
Father Francisco
"I
am Catholic and someone stated they were
Catholic but
not under Rome. They have married priests and
open to
all social issues. This person said her church
is connected
to the Catholic Church. Can you clarify this?"
- Jeanne
Father Francisco:
I am
a life-long, practicing Catholic. In a back and
forth about “paying” for CCD in parishes someone
entered the conversation stating they are
Catholic, not under Rome, have married priests
and are open to all the social issues of the
day. So the conversation changed. She stated
they are just like the Roman Catholics except
for the named issues. And they are somehow
connected to the Catholic Church. The church is
apparently an Independent Catholic Church. I am
just confused and needed solid background on
this church and whether it really is part of the
Catholic Church. Is it possible for you to
clarify their connection to
us
if there is one? Thank you - Jeanne
_________________________________________________________________
Jeanne:
Let's say this as clearly as I can: the
Independent Catholic Church is in no way
associated with the Roman Catholic Church, or
the Orthodox Churches, or the Easter Rite
Catholic Churches united with Rome.
For a church congregation to be truly called
Catholic, that congregation/diocese must be
united with the Bishop of Rome, the pope. Now,
these believers in the Independent Catholic
Church (and all other so-called separated
Catholic congregations) are not in union with
the Catholic Church and its universal pastor,
the pope (Bishop of Rome). There is no
connection to the one, true, apostolic, Catholic
Church. -
Father Francisco
"My sister has a
20 year old son who doesn't live with
her and missed mass this pass Sunday. He got
belligerent
when she reprimanded him.
What is the right
approach in
this situation with my nephew?" -
Rosemary
Father Cervantes:
My sister and I are having a bit of an argument
nothing serious. Her twenty year old son who
doesn't live with her anymore missed this
Sunday. She called him to give him heck about
it and he got beligerant. She said to him Do you
think your soul if you die tommorrow is clean
enough to go to heaven. His response was nope,
then she said do you care, again nope. My
response to my sister was that she would push
him away more if she continues judging him. What
is the right approach in this situation with my
nephew. He doesn't miss mass to often. -
Rosemary
______________________________________________________________________
Rosemary:
You are correct in challenging your sister to
stop nagging her adult son about going to Mass.
I do appreciate your sister's concern for the
spiritual welfare of her son. That's a sign of
a loving mother! But there is a time to stop
nagging and start encouraging. Instead of your
sister pushing negatively about her son
attending church, she should encourage him when
he mentions, on his own without being asked,
that he went to church. I am reminded of the
New Testament advice for parents in Colossians,
Chapter 4, Verse 21;
Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that
they may not become discouraged.
Your sister must stop the nagging so that her
son will not become discouraged and lose his
faith because of her negativity. Her son must
grow into maturity in Christ on his own terms.
He can never become a man in Christ if he has a
mother that discourages him by her nagging and
controlling ways. -
Father Cervantes
"My brother-in-law is very near death and not
aware of much
going on around him. He left the Catholic
Church when he
married in his 20's but recently went to mass
with us. Should
I speak up and suggest he receive the Last
Rights?" - Mary
Father Cervantes:
My brother-in-law is very near death. He is not
aware of much going on around him. He left the
Catholic Church when he married in his 20's. He
recently went to Mass with us and was
comfortable there. He did not go to communion so
he is very much still in tune with Catholic
ways. Should I speak up and suggest he received
Last Rights? Would he be able to receive Last
Rights? I would love a priest to visit him and
give him this very special sacrament. Thank you
for answering. Prayers, Mary Albright - Mary
______________________________________________________________
Mary:
What is stopping you in calling your parish
priest to visit your brother-in-law? Do it
now. He can receive the Sacrament of the
Anointing of the Sick as soon as possible! He
doesn't have to be a perfect Catholic to receive
this sacrament. None of us are perfect
Christians. That's why we need the sacraments!
Do not wait any longer! I hope you have
permission from your sister for this to happen!
But please, your brother-in-law can receive this
special sacrament at any time. And that time is
now. Call your priest immediately!
For a biblical reference for the Sacrament of
the Anointing of the Sick (also known as Extreme
Unction, or as you say, the Last Rites), please
see in the New Testament, the Letter of James,
Chapter 5, Verses 13-16. -
Father Cervantes
My husband and I married in a civil ceremony.
We are both
Catholic. My husband grew distant as I grew
closer in God.
When his mother passed he divorced me. What
are my
responsibilities to my Catholic faith now?" -
Bethany
Father Francisco:
My
question is two fold, when my husband and I
married it was a civil ceremony because we could
not hear back from the Archdiocese in time for
what we needed. My husband began to do the
carriage classes with myself and a nun at our
church. During this time his mother became ill
and passed. We grew distant as I grew closer in
God being her care giver and he drifted farther
apart. After she passed he left home and
divorced me. What are my responsibilities to my
Catholic faith now? - Bethany
_________________________________________________________________
Bethany:
Since you never married in the Church, you are
still free to be married in the Church in the
future if that is your desire. I am sorry that
your ex-husband grew distant because of his
mother's illness and death. This event was too
much for him to bear and it affected your
marriage. Since you never married in the Church
(a sacramental marriage), you are still in full
communion of the Church. All you have to do is
go to confession, and explain what has happened
in your life. If you wish, you can take this
question and answer and present it to your
priest confessor as a way to start your
confession. As soon as you return to confession
and receive the Church's absolution, you are
free to participate fully in the sacramental
life of the Church. Welcome home!
- Father
Francisco
"I need a clear
meaning or interpretation of the biblical
Jeremiah 29:11. How do we come to know God's
will for us?" - Richard
Father
Francisco:
I need a clear meaning or interpretation of the
biblical verse Jeremiah 29:11. How do we come
to know God's will for us? I am loving a girl?
Is it God's will?? And I want to follow my
passion. Please send your reply as soon as
possible. Thanking You. - Richard
_____________________________________________________________________________
Richard:
In the Old Testament (the Hebrew scriptures),
the prophet Jeremiah says this in Chapter 29,
Verse 11, which is one of my most favorite bible
verses:
For I know well
the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord,
plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to
give you a future full of hope. When you call
Me, when you pray to Me, I will listen to you.
When you look for Me, you will find Me.
This scripture verse says that God will take
care of everything.
You ask how you can discern God's Will in your
life, especially in your romantic life. You
must always ask God for guidance, and you must
be honest with yourself. If you are attracted
to a woman, then find out by introducing
yourself and talking to her. Be confident in
yourself because people are attracted to people
who are confident and not afraid. Don't confuse
confidence with arrogance or prideful attitude.
If God is calling you to marriage, and it
seems so, then depend on God and talk to her
without fear. Find out if she is interested in
you! See if you share things in common, and
find out of she shares your faith in Jesus! If
this relationship is in God's Will, doors of
opportunity will open for you effortlessly. If
this relationship is not of God's Will, doors of
opportunity will close. This is how you will
know if this is the woman of your destiny: if
God opens the doors to love, then it is God's
Will for you. If God closes the door to this
particular "love," then it is not God's Will for
you. But remember the bible verses from the
prophet Jeremiah:
For I know well the plans I have in mind
for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare,
not for woe!
Trust in God and go forward. God has already
made the woman of your destiny for you. It is
up to you to find her! May God bless you in
your search for true love! I know you
will find your special love and wife.-
Father Francisco
"2 months ago I
realized I was hurting my relationship
with God by doing masturbation. What should I
do?" - Jenan
Father
Francisco:
I have been a
committed Christian my entire life but something
has happened which is just messing with my head.
At the beginning of 2015, I began doing
something which I have recently realized was
hurting God. This thing was masturbation. I
thought nothing of it, as I was never really
taught between the difference of right and wrong
relating to sins. I have been doing pretty much
everyday for a year, and about 2 months ago I
found out it was hurting my relationship with
God. I have been trying to stop doing this
practice, and it's going quite well. I have been
able to stop doing it, but the guilt of knowing
I was hurting God is now ALWAYS on my mind. I
have prayed to God and openly admitted to him
that I realized my mistakes and admitted to him
the sin I had been committing. But I'm not sure
if he's forgiven me (and no I am not married,
too young in my opinion). So please, I need some
reassurance from you. I need to know whether I
should be worried or scared or really how I
should be feeling. Thank you. - Jenan
_____________________________________________________________
Jenan:
I am grateful to God for your commitment to
Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. I am
praising God that you have taken control of your
desire for sexual sin. Let me be extremely
CLEAR: when you ask God for forgiveness, it is
given freely because Jesus Christ has already
died for your sins. Jesus has already nailed
ALL the sins of your life to the cross. When
you sinned against the Lord, Jesus saw you and
died for you. You are forgiven once you ask and
accept with an open heart that mercy and
forgiveness from God. This free gift is called
GRACE. Repentance is the response to grace.
So, stop obsessing on whether you are forgiven
or not. Satan wants you to have doubts about
God's forgiveness so that Satan can manipulate
you away from your faith in Jesus Christ. You
are forgiven! Accept it and rejoice in the
Mercy of God. I wrote an article about
masturbation that you should read. Here is the
link: http://catholicvu.com/newpage197htm.htm
- Father Francisco
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