ASK A PRIEST

FEBRUARY 2009

 

FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL

FATHER ARTHUR CARRILLO, C.P.
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF


FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM

“My fiancée had a past abortion but I feel God wants me
to bring her closer to Him.  What should I do?” - Moghinder
   


Father Kevin:

I am a Catholic and my fiancée is Anglican.  A few weeks after we started our relationship she revealed to me that about four years prior to meeting me she fell pregnant and had an abortion.   I was shocked at the time as I never pictured her to be that type of person but seeing that I liked her a lot and not being one who easily judges other people I decided to continue with the relationship.  I am a devout Catholic and have always prayed and asked our lord to give me a purpose in life and when my fiancé revealed to me that she had an abortion I somehow felt that God was using me to bring her closer to him.  A lot of time has passed and we got engaged and will be getting married soon.  I do love her very much but recently we have been experiencing problems to the extent where I have seriously considered parting ways with her.  One thing that holds me back is the idea that I still need to bring her closer to God.  My question is would a person who is a non-Catholic and has had an abortion receive full forgiveness from GOD. Would I be wrong to end the engagement even though it may be that our Lord has brought me into her life to help her?  Mohinder

_________________________

Dear Mohinder:

Thank you for your letter.  It is only love that changes lives and hearts and draws us closer to God and your love for your fiancée sounds as though it has been a special gift for her.  Regarding God's forgiveness, that is without question.  God forgives completely, it's the only way He knows.  It's not your job to fix up her past. No one can do that, as what's done is done and best left to God's love and mercy.  All we can do is to keep loving one another now, and forgiving each other when the need arises.  Every good wish to you both. - Father Kevin

 

“I was told to stand to receive the Eucharist. Why
wasn’t I allowed to kneel?” - Deborah

Father Kevin

I was visiting family and went to mass while I was there. There were a several things that bothered me.  But the thing that affected me the most was that when I went to communion I knelt to accept Our Lord. The Eucharist Minister told me to stand before she would give me communion. I said, "No, I want to take it this way." She again told me to stand. Again, I said no. Then she looked to the priest, giving communion next to her, to tell me the same. Which in the end the priest did tell me to stand. In the end I did stand to accept Our Lord in the Eucharist. My question is: Is it wrong to kneel to accept the Eucharist, or should I have been able to accept Our Lord when kneeling?  - Deborah

___________________________

Dear Deborah:

Life is too short to weigh ourselves down with such issues really.  People should be free to receive the Eucharist in whatever way is right for them.  I would never dictate to people how whether they should stand, sit, bow or whatever.  The Church provides a range of appropriate ways to receive the Eucharist and so long as we are generally in line with one or other of these, then no one else should be able to tell us what to do, regardless of the custom of the local church. What matters is our encounter with Jesus in the Eucharist and our gestures and postures are of secondary importance.  Good wishes to you. – Father Kevin

 

I had a miscarriage despite my loving care and a
D and C was immediately done.  Did I have
another option? - Michele

Father Kevin:

I just recently (almost three weeks ago) had a miscarriage.  I was not comfortable with the options given to me at the time when the doctors found no heartbeat of our child, and decided to go home and think about it.  On the way home from the hospital, I went into labor and had to return to the hospital.  Once there, the doctors decided that due to my loss of blood and low blood pressure that they needed to do a D and C. I wanted to avoid this as the baby's body could be possibly torn to pieces.  I didn't think that that would be ok since it's not ok for our bodies to be torn apart at death, but it seemed I had no other option.  I feel guilt over this, even though I feel I did everything in my power to deliver the baby naturally.  Is there something else I should have done? I am heartbroken at this loss.  I couldn't wait to have this baby, and then the thought of its little body being torn apart in the same way an aborted baby is makes it all the more difficult.  What should I have done?  Did I do the right thing?  I was at a Catholic hospital but I felt that I didn't have a say in what was to be done, as it seemed my health was in danger. - Michele

______________________________

Dear Michele:

What a trauma you have been through and my thoughts and prayers come to you with this little reply.  You did your best and had to accept the directions of the medical staff, in order for you to survive.  Your longing and purpose was to have your baby well and healthy and that became impossible and therein is a great grief for you.  Please don't torture yourself with worries and I'd encourage you to rest in the knowledge that you did your very best.  If it is helpful, you might seek out a person with the necessary medical expertise and have them explain why it all had to happen that way.

Every blessing and please God you can find your peace now.  - Father Kevin



FATHER
WILLIAM G. MENZEL

"Where was God when my friend's brother was murdered?"
- Johnathan

Father Bill:

I have almost lost all of my faith over the last month.  My friend's brother was a constant church goer and he was murdered by a group of thugs for little more than a bit of fun.   He endured agonizing pain as they tortured him!!  WHERE WAS GOD WHEN THIS HAPPENED!  WHERE WAS HE? - Johnathan

_________________________________

 Dear Johnathan,

First of all, may I express my deepest sympathy to you, to your friend and his family, and to everyone else who must be suffering deeply in the face of such a terrible, senseless tragedy. In my almost 68 years of life, I have never experienced anything like what you are going through, so I won’t pretend to know how you feel. I can only imagine.

I can also understand why you are wondering where God was as those thugs unleashed their horrible fury. For a person of faith, it is a question that comes from the heart. Our preferred image of God as a benign, caring, loving presence in our lives is severely challenged in the face of personal tragedy. We want to believe that God cares in the same way that we care, so when it appears otherwise, we begin to have some serious doubts and some real questions about who’s in charge.

Your question, “Where was God when this happened?” reminds me so much of Jesus’ own words uttered—maybe even screamed—as, hanging on the cross, he endured the torture of the thugs who delighted in his agony: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!” Clearly, even for his own Son, God’s answer in moments of human tragedy seems to be silence. Inevitably, this delights the atheist and perplexes the believer.

How often does it happen that we long for God to swoop down like Superman, Spiderman or Batman to rescue us from the clutches of evil? The fiction always seems to end the way we want it. The reality often leaves so much to be desired in a God who seems so often to abandon us just when we need him most.

I don’t know the answer, Johnathan. All I can say is, if Jesus asked the same question as you are asking, then it must be a question that comes from the depths of our humanity. It expresses the frustration we feel when it appears that evil triumphs over good.

There are a couple of things that I attempt to keep in mind as I try to make sense of human tragedies. One, of course, is Jesus’ words from the cross that I have already mentioned. Another is my own simplistic phrase, “God is God, and I am not.” It helps me, but I don’t know if it will help you. Finally, I have come to realize that God is as likely to be found in the mess as in the neat and tidy. It usually takes longer to find God in the mess, but when I do find him there, his appearance tends to be more intense and personal than I might ever have imagined.

May I be so presumptive as to suggest where you might be most likely to find God in this terrible tragedy, Johnathan? Pray for the thugs. -  Father Bill


”Can a priest break the seal of the confessional if it concerns
a teen’s behavior?” - Natalie

Father:

I need help.  A teen came to me and said she went to confession and confessed that she had sex with her boyfriend and the priest told her parents.  Can he do that?  I thought the Sacrament of Confession was confidential between you and God.  She is hurt, confused, and wants to leave the church and defiantly does not want to ever go to confession again.  I need guidance and prayers. Natalie

_______________________________

Dear Natalie,

For us priests, the “seal of the confessional” is one of our most sacred obligations. What it means is that we can never tell anyone—no matter who, no matter what—anything that is told to us in the Sacrament of Penance. If a priest is found to have violated this trust, he will be suspended from his priestly ministry.

If the teen you speak of has reasonable suspicion and reasonable proof that the priest to whom she confessed her sins did, in fact, tell her parents, then she should immediately report this to her bishop. It would be the right thing to do, and I would hope that she would do so, rather than leave the Church because of this. If she is reluctant to contact the bishop, then I would suggest that she contact the “Vicar for Priests” in her diocese. His name should be readily available on the diocesan website.

For the sake of both parties involved, Church representatives have an obligation to investigate such accusations with the utmost discretion. This teen need not be afraid that her name and her situation would be made public in any way. The only obligation on her part is that she be very certain that her parents learned of her fornication from the priest to whom she confessed this sin, and not from some other source. After all, his reputation and the future of his priestly ministry are at stake.

I will pray that God will help everyone involved in this to do what is right. I trust readers of this column will do the same.


“My husband still has not gotten an annulment so we can have
our marriage blessed.  Should I leave him?” - Bernadette   
 

Dear Father Bill:

I don't know if this question is appropriate for this website but I have prayed about this for so long and need some guidance.   I married at the age of 21. After 14 years, the marriage ended. I did not seek an annulment of this marriage as it was not my intent to get involved in another relationship anytime soon thereafter. Although after 3 years, I did meet someone and after 2 years we did marry. I am sad to say that I did not complete my annulment papers and we married in the Presbyterian Church. After a few years of marriage I did talk to a priest about obtaining an annulment and am happy (but not proud of myself for how I did things) to say that it was granted. My husband, on the other hand, after so many years of promising me that he would complete his papers, has not and it does not look like he will, although he promises me that he intends to do this. It is my sincerest intent to get married in the Catholic Church. It saddens me that my husband has time for everything else in his life except this even though he knows, after many talks, how important this is to me. I still attend church with my youngest daughter but do not receive any sacraments. I know that I have made mistakes. While I love my husband, I feel great guilt over what I feel is offensive to my faith and God. There is a part of me that would like to end this marriage and have it annulled as well and start over in my faith. There is another part that says that another divorce and annulment would be more offensive.  Father. any guidance that you could offer me would be greatly appreciated.  Sincerely - Bernadette

______________________________

Dear Bernadette,

First of all, let me assure you that your question is very appropriate. Every Catholic should feel free to seek information and advice about their faith lives. Thank you for asking!

As a pastor, I would just like to commend you for doing so many things right in the face of some challenging circumstances. It seems to me that you have done your part. You have done everything in your power to have your marriage blessed (“convalidated” is the churchy term). You have continued to practice your faith, even though you may not receive the sacraments. I truly admire you and others like you who don’t give up on your faith or yourselves even when your relationship with the Church is somewhat problematic.

Do you have any idea why your husband is reluctant to complete his papers? Is it a matter of money? Time? Principle? Is he Catholic? Does he have questions about the annulment process that haven’t been answered? Have you discussed your situation with your pastor or someone in your parish who deals with annulments? It just seems to me that there must be someone who could help walk your husband through this process, if he is at all willing to give it a try. If he’s being passive-aggressive and has no real intention of proceeding, he should just level with you, so you know where he stands.

That leads me to the next point. You mention that you love your husband, but still you wonder if you should end this marriage, have it annulled and then start over. Is it a good marriage, Bernadette? Other than your husband’s lack of action on completing his annulment papers, is it a good marriage? Do you feel, deep in your heart, that God has blessed you with a good husband? I’m pushing this point because I am reluctant to recommend that someone end a good marriage just because it doesn’t conform to the Church’s rules.

If a marriage is a good marriage, I would celebrate that as a blessing. Then I would continue to try to make every reasonable effort to make it even better by having the marriage convalidated. Don’t nag you husband about it, but do pray for him and for your marriage. Be patient. God knows you’ve done what you can. Trust him.- Father Bill


FATHER ARTHUR CARRILLO, C.P.

“Is there anything against the Church Canon Law
about performing in shows on Ash Wednesday
or Holy Saturday?   - Damian

 
Father:

I am a Catholic and an actor, director & theatre producer.  I have a touring company and we have many shows coming up.  I was wondering if there is anything against the Church Canon Law with performing in shows on Ash Wednesday or Holy Saturday?  Thanks!  - Damian

 

__________________________

Damian:

Congratulations on being a true artist.  The human family has much to be grateful for in the genius of those who have the gifts of language, imagination, movement and organization to put on theatrical productions.

The second thing that comes to mind is how much the Church was a part of the early development in Western Civilization of the dramatic arts.  Not only is the bible an eternal source of dramatic inspiration, but it was often in church buildings that sacred dramas were acted out in order to convey the divine truths to a largely illiterate populace.

About your questions.  Ash Wednesday and Holy Saturday have their own sacred character.  Ash Wednesday has always been the marker of the start of Lent.  The meaning of Ash Wednesday comes from the meaning of Lent.  In many of the Latin countries, the time leading up to the threshold of Lent was for ribaldry and excesses of the appetites (i.e., song and dance, and banquets) because Lent was observed with fasting (one complete meal a day).  "Carnevale", a farewell to meat!  It would be correct to say that no matter what sort of celebrations led up to Lent, Ash Wednesday itself was marked with sober reflection on the human condition, the need for forgiveness, and the process of conversion.  That is what the ashes placed on the forehead would signify.  Canon 1251 calls for fast and abstinence on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  So, I think it would be fair to say that there is no prohibition to shows on Ash Wednesday, with the following considerations.  The shows should not be so out of character with the sobriety of Lent that they are distractions from the spirit of receiving blessed ashes on the forehead.  The touring company should not be so exhausted by their work that the penance of fasting and abstinence would not likely be observed.  There are no specific prohibitions for Holy Saturday, but the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy (Vatican II, #109) does recommend that the fast and abstinence of Good Friday be continued through to the Easter Vigil, i.e., the evening of Holy Saturday.  

The same comments I just made for Ash Wednesday would also apply in trying to maintain a proper decorum for the events being commemorated on Good Friday and Holy Saturday.

A final note, the penance associated with Lent, fasting and abstinence, are always in the context of what is possible.  When keeping these penances is impossible, the Church wisely recommends that we substitute works of charity and piety.

Respectfully, Fr. Arthur Carrillo, C.P.


CATHOLICVIEW STAFF


”If a child confesses parental sexual abuse in the
confessional, should the priest notify
the authorities or the mother?” - Christina
 

CatholicView Staff:

If a child, who is angry because she is being sexually abused by her father, confesses her anger to a priest, should the priest tell a social welfare agency or talk to the child's mother? What is the moral thing for him to do?

 _______________________

Christina:

Within the narrow confines of a sacramental confession, anything said within the sacrament of Penance must be kept secret by the priest.  Confession is a sacrament and for anything to be considered “privileged communication protected by civil law,” there must be a formal ritual that begins a privileged communication confession.  The priest is obligated to keep all formal confessional conversations secret.  But the penitent is not under the same constrictions.  The penitent can say anything they want about what they said in confession since the obligation of privileged communication is only upon the priest/confessor.  For the Church, that is the moral thing to do.  If someone should say something outside the formal limitations of the sacrament of Penance, then the priest is usually (in most states of the USA and in other countries) a “mandated reporter” and must report these kinds of things to law enforcement.  If the child mentions such abuse to the priest outside of formal confession, then it is reported.  Remember, privileged communication is only recognized by civil law only within the confines of a ritual sacrament called confession.  Meanwhile, since you know of the abuse, YOU ARE REQUIRED to report.  If this child has said something to you, you are required to speak to law enforcement.  As a priest, I ONLY have privileged communication when a person begins our conversation when he/she says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It has been so long since my last confession.”  If a person does not start their conversation with me in this fashion, they do not enjoy privileged communication in any circumstance.   – CatholicView Staff 

 
“Is it okay to read the Philokalia?” - Yiannis
 

CatholicView Staff:

Is it okay to read the Philokalia? - Yiannis

 _____________________________

Yiannis:

Philokalia is a series of mystic and spiritual writings of Orthodox authors that defines the Eastern Orthodox spirituality.  There is nothing wrong in reading these writings as the Eastern Orthodox community approves them.  Since the writings are Jesus-centered, they should bring to you to a deeper understanding of the divinity of Christ. – CatholicView Staff

 
”I had to replace my wedding ring.  Should I wait until it
is blessed before wearing it?” - Louise

CatholicView Staff:

I have had to replace my wedding ring. Should I even put my new one on before I have had it blessed by a priest? Everyone else I know who has gone ahead without a blessed ring has got divorced!  Louise

 ___________________________

Louise:

You can have your new ring blessed by a priest or deacon.  That would certainly make the ring a life-long symbol of your marital love.  I must say, however, whether the new ring is blessed or not, the ring does not have a bearing on a successful marriage.  The people within the marriage are the responsible parties in ensuring that their marriage grows and matures into what God has called them to be.  A good marriage has nothing to do with a material object such as a ring.  A good marriage comes from the heart.  CatholicView Staff

 
“Can an adult who has no religion be baptized in order to
get married in the Church?” - Aislinn


CatholicView Staff

Can an adult who has no religion at all be baptized in order to get married in the Church? Is it a requirement to go through the RCIA program?

 ___________________________

Aislinn:

If your fiancé is Catholic, you do not have to become Catholic to have your marriage blessed in the Church.  See your priest for details. 

If you sincerely want to become a member of the Catholic Church, you can be baptized but you must participate in the RCIA program (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults).  This is a process designed for those who want to become members.   It is also a time of instruction and bonding with the community, culminating in receiving the sacraments of initiation and full membership in the Church.    CatholicView Staff

 
“What is the new doctrine on the use of "Yahweh?” - Fred
 

CatholicView Staff:

What is the new doctrine on the use of "Yahweh"?   Thanks. – Fred

 __________________________

Dear Fred:

There is no new doctrine concerning the use of God’s Name as seen in the Old Testament.  “Yahweh” is the Hebrew acronym meaning, “I am Who I am.”   In other words, God doesn’t have a name since He cannot be contained or controlled by a name (see Exodus Chapter 3, Verse 14).   But it is a formal “Name” of God within the Hebrew Scriptures.  The Church has always avoided using “Yahweh” in respect for the Name and in respect for the Jewish people who dare not pronounce the Name.  The Jerusalem Bible began using the term, Yahweh, in its English and French translations to show the difference in the author’s use of the different titles of God.  In respect, I do not utter the Old Testament Name in respect for God and the Jewish people. – CatholicView Staff 

 


My husband died two years ago.  I am dating now but my
in-laws feel this is wrong.  Is it? - Amy

 

CatholicView Staff:

My husband died two years ago and I have started to move on with my life. I have been dating someone I have known for 15 years and he was also a good friend of my husband’s. My brother-in-law and some others feel this is very wrong what we are doing. In the eyes of God are we doing anything wrong. Thank you for your help. - Amy

 __________________________

Dear Amy:

You are correct in saying it is time to move on.  The husband whom you loved is gone and you are free to marry if you choose.  This is not wrong or sinful. 

Your brother-in-law and other family members may feel you are dishonoring your husband’s memory.   This is not true.  Perhaps you could talk honestly with them, letting them know how much you loved your husband, but now that he is gone, you are alone.   Hopefully they will see that you are trying to renew your life; filling in the void left by your beloved spouse.   God wants you to be happy.  Go in peace.  CatholicView Staff

 
”My Catholic fiancé who is divorced did not marry Catholic. 
Does he need an annulment to marry me in the Church?”
- Sarah

 

CatholicView Staff:

I am currently dating a man who has been married before. He did not get married in the church, though he was baptized Catholic (he is non-practicing). I have never been married before and want to get married in the church. Does he need to get an annulment before we can get married?

 ____________________________

Sarah:

I do not know the circumstances of the marriage of your fiancé.  If he was married in the Catholic Church, he will need an annulment before going forward on his church wedding to you.  If he was not married in the Church, he will need a Lack of Form dispensation, which is much simpler.  Please talk to your parish priest about this. 
CatholicView Staff

 
“What will happen to us who want to believe, but cannot?”
– Don

CatholicView Staff:

What will happen to us who want to believe, but cannot? – Don

 ________________________

Don:

If you want to believe, you must pray and ask God to touch your heart.  Take the first step and start attending Church.  Read the bible.  Continue to pray constantly.    I believe you are searching, so I would suggest you talk this out with a priest or minister.   You have eternal life to gain. – CatholicView Staff

 
”My wife and I are Catholic, but married civilly.  Can we
receive communion?”  - Kareemo

CatholicView Staff:

My wife and I are both Catholics and were married in a Civil Ceremony and we plan on having a formal Church Wedding in 2010 in the Philippines. Can we receive the Host at Mass now or do we have to wait until we are married in the Church? - Kareemo

 ___________________

Kareemo:

Congratulations on your planned marriage in the Philippines next year.  Since you are both married by civil law and are living together, you cannot receive communion until your marriage is solemnized in the Church.   -  CatholicView Staff

 
”Is the Blessed Virgin Mary the only saint that has
appeared on earth?” - Charlie

CatholicView Staff:

Is it true that of all the saints in Heaven, only the Blessed Virgin Mary has ever appeared to anyone here on Earth?

 _______________________

Charlie:

The Church has recognized that any visions of the Blessed Virgin Mary are in the realm of “private revelations.”  So, in other words, such visions can be accepted or not accepted by a believer unless otherwise warned by the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith (Vatican City).  But according to the many mystics that have lived in the past, “saints” have visited others on earth.  One saint that comes to mind is Padre Pio.  He has been known to appear to those in grave illness.  Nonetheless, any visions such as the saints or Jesus Himself are in the realm of private revelation.  They are not necessary for salvation.  My faith in Jesus Christ is all that is required for salvation. 

 
”My parents told me I did not need the sacraments because
I had extreme Unction as a sick baby.  Is this true?”
- Gregory

 

CatholicView Staff:

I am a baptized Catholic, grew up in Catholic Church, and attended Catholic schools.   Growing up, I witnessed my siblings receive the sacraments of Holy Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation.  My parents told me that I did not need to receive these sacraments because when I was a baby, I was extremely sick.  The doctors had given up on me and I was given Extreme Unction.  I have believed this to be true all my life and continued going to confession and receiving communion. Now I have asked myself, what if this is not true? - Gregory

 ____________________________

Gregory:

Your parents were misinformed.  You were given Extreme Unction as a baby (a sacrament also known as the Anointing of the Sick) because you were possibly dying.  This hasn’t been true for some time now.  You are entitled to the sacraments of the Church the same as your siblings.     But first, you must talk to your parish priest and set the records straight.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I left the Church and became a minister.   What can
I do to return to the Catholic Church?” - Mike

 

CatholicView Staff:

I was raised as a Catholic and studied for the priesthood.   At age 26 I personally invited Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior and left the church. I became a minister and have been for 30 years now. What would I need to do to be accepted back into the Catholic Church? - Mike

 _________________________

Mike:

I am happy to hear that you have served the Lord in these ministries.  Now, it is time to come back to your “spiritual home.”  The process is simple.  Please talk to your parish priest about your situation and the process in being accepted into full communion with the Catholic Church.  I am excited to hear that you will be once again a full-member of the Catholic Church.  I hope and pray that you will use your ministerial gifts for the Church!  - CatholicView Staff

 
”Should I make restitution for taking vacation time
when I knew I would be resigning?” Matthew

CatholicView Staff:
 
May I seek your advice on a question of restitution?   Nearly 20 years ago, I was working for a very large MNC. They selected me for an expensive overseas course. At that time I had already decided to resign, to join another employer. I wanted the overseas trip, and so did not tell them of my plan. I may even have delayed my resignation for this purpose - I cannot remember the exact details.  The company had no policy of requiring employees to sign any bond to stay on in employment after training. And I was under no legal or contractual liability to the company for resigning after I returned from the trip.  Now I am sorry I have gone on this trip. Do I owe the company any restitution?  Thanks in advance for your help in giving me spiritual guidance. - Matthew

 _____________________

Matthew:

Since there was no expectation from you legally concerning your overseas journey, there is nothing to stop you from resigning your position with that company to join another.  Hopefully in the future, you will be more honest in all your dealings with employers. After twenty years, there isn’t much you can do and the company did not ask from you any restitution for the overseas seminar.  Be at peace. – CatholicView Staff

 
”I left the Church for four years.  What is the process to
return to the Church?” - Jozef

CatholicView Staff:

I am Catholic through baptism, first communion, and confirmation. I have been a participating Lutheran for the last four years for reasons I can't get into in this short question. I would like to get back to the Catholic Church and was wondering what the process would be. - Jozef

 ___________________________

Jozef:

I am so happy that you are returning to the Catholic Church.  In order to do this, you must go and talk to your parish priest.  Since you have had the Sacraments of baptism, confirmation, and first communion, you will need to be re-affirmed as a member in full standing in the Church.  Talk to your parish priest who will determine what has to be done.  You will also be asked to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession).    Welcome back. – CatholicView Staff

 
”Is it permissible to see an old boy friend who has not
finalized his marriage or had it annulled?” - Ann

 

CatholicView Staff:

Over 25 years ago I was engaged to the love of my life. We broke off our engagement and parted ways. Shortly there after, he got a girl pregnant and married her..."right thing to do". They had a second child. Both children are grown now. His wife recently left him and filed for divorce. We live in different states and were planning on meeting in the middle to TALK. NO SEXUAL RELATIONS. Would we be committing any sin in meeting and possibly talk about a reconciliation? - Ann

 _________________________

Dear Ann:

You do not say if the divorce is final or not.  Until this man gets an annulment, he is still considered married in the eyes of the Church if he is Catholic.

You do not say whether or not you are married, never married or divorced.  

 It is no sin in talking, providing both of you are free to meet.  There is nothing wrong if two unattached people decide to talk and not indulge in a sexual way.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I had a dream last night that I sold my soul
to the devil.  Can I be spiritually responsible for
this?” - Russ

CatholicView Staff:

Okay, this is a weird one. I had a dream last night that I sold my soul to the devil. I don't recall the exact circumstances that led up to this obvious blunder, but I do remember cursing my decision immediately afterward.

When I woke up, I was of course relieved to discover it had only been a dream. However, I still worry that the very act itself, whether taking place while waking or sleeping, may be enough to put my soul in jeopardy. Do I have cause to be alarmed? Can I be held spiritually responsible for something that occurred when my decision-making process weren't fully functioning? - Russ

 ___________________________

Dear Russ:

Do not distress yourself about this.  God reads the heart.  You are not held responsible for dreams.  A dream is not an action.  It is conscious actions that we worry about.  If you will feel better, pray and ask God for forgiveness.  He is all loving and He knows you well.  Continue to move on, serving the Lord.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I was married outside the Church and am divorced. 
I am now engaged.  Do I need an annulment to
marry? - LC

 

CatholicView Staff:

I was married to my first husband outside the church in a civil ceremony. We have been divorced for the past 2 years. I've recently become engaged to another Catholic and we wish to marry in the Church. Do I need an annulment? Thanks, LC

 ____________________

LC:

Yes, you can marry in the Church.  You will need a Lack of Form dispensation that can be had from your local parish priest.  Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! – CatholicView Staff

 
“Are our loved ones happy in heaven, even though those
of us are unhappy?” - Maribeth

CatholicView Staff:

I have a question about loved ones in Heaven! I know that people in heaven are supposed to be happy all the time, and I also read that they still involve themselves in our lives. But if the souls in heaven know about bad things that are happening to their loved ones on earth, how can it be that they are constantly happy in heaven?  Maribeth

 ______________________________

Maribeth:

Good question!    Some believe it is because our relatives in heaven are not limited by time and can see the blessings ahead or the final outcome of earthly situations.  Someday we will have the answer to that.  Right now, we have to rely on God’s wisdom and judgment to make all things right.  We are limited here by our humanity; relatives in heaven are not.  CatholicView Staff

 
”Is it permissible to attend my grandchild’s baptism in the
Episcopal Church?” - Jackie

 

CatholicView Staff:

I am a "cradle" Catholic and have raised my 2 daughters Catholic. However, my youngest daughter has decided that she prefers the Episcopal religion.  She and her husband have just had a baby and they are planning to baptize the child in their faith. My question is am I allowed to attend their service? I remember being taught as a child that I could not participate in any other religion...is that participating? My daughter is trying to plan a private service but the pastor wants to incorporate it into their mass. I'm not sure what to do. - Jackie

 _____________________________

Dear Jackie:

Of course you can attend your grandchild’s baptism.  But, you will have to refrain from accepting communion.   For Catholics, the Vatican counts as valid only Catholic Eucharist--bread and wine that have been consecrated by a priest as part of a Catholic Mass.    For more information, check with your parish priest.  CatholicView Staff

 
I am Catholic but my husband is not.  Can we have our
marriage blessed?” - Jane

 

CatholicView Staff:

My husband and I want to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest. I am a practicing Catholic and my husband attends mass with me but is a non-catholic. Does he have to become Catholic to have a priest bless our marriage?  -Jane

 ___________________

Dear Jane:

Congratulations and thank you for your question.  A Catholic and non-Catholic can have their marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. Your husband does not have to become Catholic in order to do so.  See your priest for more information on this. God bless you.  CatholicView Staff

 
”My father is cruel to me.  Should I help him only to have
him laugh at me with other relatives?” - Sheila

CatholicView Staff:

My father recently called me and wanted me to run an errand for him. I refused. The last time I saw my father he threw me out of his house and told me never to come back. He then called my mother and grandmother (and who knows who else) and laughed about him throwing me out of his house. This is a usually thing with my father. He will ask a family member to do something and later he will talk about them to anyone who will listen. Since my father has very bad health he doesn't think anyone will refuse him, no matter how badly he has treated him or her. He has often stated that it tickles him to hurt our feelings. I just didn't want to subject myself to that kind of treatment again. Should I have helped my father? I know it is the Christian thing to do, but it hurts to have him turn on me again and again. I just wanted to spare myself pain.

 ___________________________

Dear Sheila:

I am so sorry that your father cannot see the pain he is causing you and your family.  Why does your mother allow this to happen?  And have you talked to her about this? 

The bible tells us to honor our fathers and our mothers in the Ten Commandments.  In your case it is difficult to do this.  But you did the right thing and God is very pleased and will bless you greatly for adhering to God’s commandment.

You say that your dad has been ill.  Because of his illness, if you could try to do the things he really needs and avoid any confrontation that may cause an upheaval in your family, you will have to ignore his criticism.   Sometimes when people are ill, it makes them feel powerful to tear others down.  If you can, ignore his atrocious behavior and try to avoid spending extra time that may cause you grief.  If he truly needs you, ignore his awful behavior and try to help him for he will always be your father.  Even now you are being blessed for the respect you have given your father although he might not deserve it.  Hope this helps.  CatholicView Staff  

 
“Is it a sin for me to have evil thoughts at times even though
I don't carry them out?” - Richard 

CatholicView Staff:

Is it a sin for me to have evil thoughts at times even though I don't carry them out?  I occasionally have intentions to look at pornographic items even though I know they are bad for me.   Please advise me.

 ___________________________

Richard:

I am sorry that you indulge in pornography.  I thank God that your conscience is telling you to avoid this sin.  Having evil thoughts can lead you into action.  I would advise that when you are inclined to do this that you replace these evil desires with a simple prayer asking God to strengthen and keep you from sin.  The repetition of prayer makes you stronger because you, through prayer, are calling on the highest power available to man; Almighty God.  You will overcome this addiction if you continue to pray.  

Pray this simple prayer or one of your own each time you are tempted by Satan:

“Lord, I love you.  Keep me from all unclean thoughts and help me to focus on the blessings you have given me.  I offer all my temptations to you, asking you to cleanse my mind from its impurities.  Amen”

Please go and see your priest.  He will help you to understand what God expects from all of us.  Remember God loves you and wants you to have peace in your life - CatholicView Staff

 
“Is it okay to read the Philokalia?” - Yiannis
 

CatholicView Staff:

Is it okay to read the Philokalia? - Yiannis

 ___________________________

Yiannis: 

Philokalia is a series of mystic and spiritual writings of Orthodox authors that defines the Eastern Orthodox spirituality.  There is nothing wrong in reading these writings as they are approved by the Eastern Orthodox community.   Since the writings are Jesus-centered, they should bring to you to a deeper understanding of the divinity of Christ. – CatholicView Staff

 
”I had to replace my wedding ring.  Should I wait until it is
blessed before wearing it?” - Louise
 

CatholicView Staff:

I have had to replace my wedding ring. Should I even put my new one on before I have had it blessed by a priest? Everyone else I know who has gone ahead without a blessed ring has got divorced!

 ______________________

Louise:

You can have your new ring blessed by a priest or deacon.  That would certainly make the ring a life-long symbol of your marital love.  I must say, however, whether the new ring is blessed or not, the ring does not have a bearing on a successful marriage.  The people within the marriage are the responsible parties in ensuring that their marriage grows and matures into what God has called them to be.  A good marriage has nothing to do with a material object such as a ring.  A good marriage comes from the heart.  – CatholicView Staff

 
“Can an adult who has no religion be baptized in order to get
married in the Church?” - Aislinn

 

CatholicView Staff

Can an adult who has no religion at all be baptized in order to get married in the Church? Is it a requirement to go through the RCIA program? - Aislinn

 ________________________________

Aislinn:

Thank you for writing to CatholicView.  To be clear, you are saying that you were never baptized or affiliated with any church? 

If you sincerely want to accept the Lord as your Savior, you can certainly be baptized in the Catholic Church.  And yes, it is a requirement that you participate in the RCIA program (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults).  It is a process designed for adults to enter the Catholic Church and a time of instruction and bonding with the community.  It culminating in receiving the sacraments of initiation and full membership in the Church.  Welcome to our Church.  CatholicView Staff

 
“What is the new doctrine on the use of "Yahweh?” - Fred


 
CatholicView Staff:

What is the new doctrine on the use of "Yahweh"?   Thanks. – Fred

 __________________________

Dear Fred:

There is no new doctrine concerning the use of God’s Name as seen in the Old Testament.  “Yahweh” is the Hebrew acronym meaning, “I am who I am.”   In other words, God doesn’t have a name since He cannot be contained or controlled by a name (see Exodus Chapter 3, Verse 14).   But it is a formal “Name” of God within the Hebrew scriptures.  The Church has always avoided using “Yahweh” in respect for the Name and in respect for the Jewish people who dare not pronounce the Name.  The Jerusalem Bible began using the term, Yahweh, in its English and French translations to show the difference in the author’s use of the different titles of God.  In respect, I do not utter the Old Testament Name in respect for God and the Jewish people. – CatholicView Staff 


”My husband died two years ago.  I am dating now but my
in-laws feel this is wrong.  Is it? - Amy

CatholicView Staff:

My husband died two years ago and I have started to move on with my life. I have been dating someone I have known for 15 years and he was also a good friend of my husband’s. My brother-in-law and some others feel this is very wrong what we are doing. In the eyes of God are we doing anything wrong. Thank You for your help. - Amy

 ___________________________

Dear Amy:

You are correct in saying it is time to move on.  The husband whom you loved is gone and you are free to marry if you choose.  This is not wrong or sinful. 

Your brother-in-law and other family members may feel you are dishonoring your husband’s memory.   This is not true.  Perhaps you could talk honestly with them, letting them know how much you loved your husband, but now that he is gone, you are alone.   Hopefully they will see that you are trying to renew your life; filling in the void left by your beloved spouse.   God wants you to be happy.  Go in peace.  CatholicView Staff

 
”My Catholic fiancé who is divorced but did not marry
Catholic. Does he need an annulment to marry
me in the Church?”  - Sarah

CatholicView Staff:

I am currently dating a man who has been married before. He did not get married in the church, though he was baptized Catholic (he is non-practicing). I have never been married before and want to get married in the church. Does he need to get an annulment before we can get married? - Sarah

 _____________________________

Sarah:

In your letter you did not make clear the circumstances concerning the marriage of your fiancé.   If he was married in the Catholic Church, he will need an annulment before going forward on his church wedding to you.  If he was not married in the Church, he will need a Lack of Form dispensation which is much simpler.  Please talk to your parish priest about this.  CatholicView Staff

 
“What will happen to us who want to believe, but cannot?” – Don

CatholicView Staff:

What will happen to us who want to believe, but cannot? – Don

 _______________________

Don:

If you want to believe, you must pray and ask God to touch your heart.  Take the first step and start attending Church.  Read the bible.  Continue to pray constantly.  I believe you are searching, so I would suggest you talk this out with a priest or minister.  You have eternal life to gain.  CatholicView Staff

 
”My wife and I are Catholic, but married civilly. 
Can we receive communion?”  - Kareemo

 

CatholicView Staff:

My wife and I are both Catholics and were married in a Civil Ceremony and we plan on having a formal Church Wedding in 2010 in the Philippines. Can we receive the Host at Mass now or do we have to wait until we are married in the Church? - Kareemo

 ________________________________

Kareemo:

Congratulations on your planned marriage in the Philippines next year.  Since you are both married by civil law and are living together, you cannot receive communion until your marriage is solemnized in the Church.   -  CatholicView Staff

 
”Is the Blessed Virgin Mary the only saint that has appeared
on earth?” - Charlie

CatholicView Staff:

Is it true that of all the saints in Heaven, only the Blessed Virgin Mary has ever appeared to anyone here on Earth?

 ____________________

Charlie:

The Church has recognized that any visions of the Blessed Virgin Mary are in the realm of “private revelations.”  So, in other words, such visions can be accepted or not accepted by a believer unless otherwise warned by the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith (Vatican City).  But according to the many mystics that have lived in the past, “saints” have visited others on earth.  One saint that comes to mind is Padre Pio.  He has been known to appear to those in grave illness.  Nonetheless, any visions such as the saints or Jesus Himself are in the realm of private revelation.  They are not necessary for salvation.  My faith in Jesus Christ is all that is required for salvation.  - CatholicView Staff

 
”My parents told me I did not need the sacraments because
I had Extreme Unction as a sick baby.  Is this true?” - Gregory

 

CatholicView Staff:

I am a baptized Catholic, grew up in Catholic Church, and attended Catholic schools.   Growing up, I witnessed my siblings receive the sacraments of Holy Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation.  My parents told me that I did not need to receive these sacraments because when I was a baby, I was extremely sick.  The doctors had given up on me and I was given Extreme Unction.  I have believed this to be true all my life and continued going to confession and receiving communion. Now I have asked myself, what if this is not true? - Gregory

 _____________________________

Gregory:

 

Your parents were misinformed.  You were given Extreme Unction (The Anointing of The Sick) as a baby because you were possibly dying.  This hasn’t been true for some time now.  You are entitled to the sacraments of the Church the same as your siblings.    But first, you must talk to your parish priest and set the records straight.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I left the Church and became a minister.  What can I
do to return to the Catholic Church?” - Mike
 

CatholicView Staff:

I was raised as a Catholic and studied for the priesthood.   At age 26 I personally invited Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior and left the church. I became a minister and have been for 30 years now. What would I need to do to be accepted back into the Catholic Church? - Mike

 __________________________

Mike:

I am happy to hear that you have served the Lord in these ministries.  Now, it is time to come back to your “spiritual home.”  The process is simple.  Please talk to your parish priest about your situation and the process in being accepted into full communion with the Catholic Church.  I am excited to hear that you will be once again a full-member of the Catholic Church.  I hope and pray that you will use your ministerial gifts for the Church!  - CatholicView Staff

 
”Should I make restitution for taking vacation time
when I knew I would be resigning?” Matthew

 

CatholicView Staff:
 
Father, May I seek your advice on a question of restitution?  Nearly 20 years ago, I was working for a very large MNC. They selected me for an expensive overseas course. At that time I had already decided to resign, to join another employer. I wanted the overseas trip, and so did not tell them of my plan. I may even have delayed my resignation for this purpose - I cannot remember the exact details.  The company had no policy of requiring employees to sign any bond to stay on in employment after training. And I was under no legal or contractual liability to the company for resigning after I returned from the trip.  Now I am sorry I have gone on this trip. Do I owe the company any restitution?   Thanks in advance for your help in giving me spiritual guidance. - Matthew

 ______________________________

Matthew:

Since there was no expectation from you legally concerning your overseas journey, there is nothing to stop you from resigning your position with that company to join another.  Hopefully in the future, you will be more honest in all your dealings with employers. After twenty years, there isn’t much you can do and the company did not ask from you any restitution for the overseas seminar.  Be at peace. – CatholicView Staff


”I left the Church for four years.  What is the process
to return to the Church?” - Jozef


 

CatholicView Staff:

I am Catholic through baptism, first communion, and confirmation. I have been a participating Lutheran for the last four years for reasons I can't get into in this short question. I would like to get back to the Catholic Church and was wondering what the process would be. - Jozef

 _______________________

Jozef:

I am so happy that you are returning to the Catholic Church.  In order to do this, you must go and talk to your parish priest.  Since you have had the Sacraments of baptism, confirmation, and first communion, you will need to be re-affirmed as a member in full standing in the Church.  Talk to your parish priest who will determine what has to be done.  You will also be asked to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession).    Welcome back. – CatholicView Staff

 
”Is it permissible to see an old boy friend who has not finalized
his marriage or had it annulled?” - Ann

CatholicView Staff:

Over 25 years ago I was engaged to the love of my life. We broke off our engagement and parted ways. Shortly there after, he got a girl pregnant and married her..."right thing to do". They had a second child. Both children are grown now. His wife recently left him and filed for divorce. We live in different states and were planning on meeting in the middle to TALK. NO SEXUAL RELATIONS. Would we be committing any sin in meeting and possibly talk about a reconciliation? - Ann

 __________________________

Dear Ann:

You do not say if your friend's divorce is final or not.  Until this man gets an annulment, he is still considered married in the eyes of the Church.if he is Catholic.   You also do not say whether or not you are married, never married or divorced.  

It is no sin in talking, providing both of you are free to meet.  There is nothing wrong if two unattached people decide to talk and not indulge in a sexual way.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I had a dream last night that I sold my soul
to the devil.  Can I be spiritually responsible
for this?” - Russ

CatholicView Staff:   

Okay, this is a weird one. I had a dream last night that I sold my soul to the devil. I don't recall the exact circumstances that led up to this obvious blunder, but I do remember cursing my decision immediately afterward.

When I woke up, I was of course relieved to discover it had only been a dream. However, I still worry that the very act itself, whether taking place while waking or sleeping, may be enough to put my soul in jeopardy. Do I have cause to be alarmed? Can I be held spiritually responsible for something that occurred when my decision-making process weren't fully functioning? - Russ

 ________________________

Dear Russ:

Do not distress yourself about this.  God reads the heart.  You are not held responsible for dreams.  A dream is not an action.  It is conscious actions that we worry about.  If you will feel better, pray and ask God for forgiveness.  He is all loving and He knows you well.  Continue to move on, serving the Lord.  CatholicView Staff

 
”I was married outside the Church and am divorced. 
I am now engaged.   Do I need an annulment to marry?
- LC

 

CatholicView Staff:

I was married to my first husband outside the church in a civil ceremony. We have been divorced for the past 2 years. I've recently become engaged to another Catholic and we wish to marry in the Church. Do I need an annulment? Thanks, LC

 ____________________

LC:

Yes, you can marry in the Church.  You will need a Lack of Form dispensation that can be had from your local parish priest.  Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! – CatholicView Staff

 
 “Are our loved ones happy in heaven, even though those
of us are unhappy?” - Maribeth

CatholicView Staff:

I have a question about loved ones in Heaven! I know that people in heaven are supposed to be happy all the time,and I also read that they still involve themselves in our lives. But if the souls in heaven know about bad things that are happening to their loved ones on earth, how can it be that they are constantly happy in heaven? - Maribeth

 __________________

Maribeth:

Good question!    Some believe it is because our relatives in heaven are not limited by time and can see the blessings ahead or the final outcome of earthly situations.  Someday we will have the answer to that.  Right now, we have to rely on God’s wisdom and judgment to make all things right.  We are limited here by our humanity; relatives in heaven are not.  CatholicView Staff

 
”Is it permissible to attend my grandchild’s baptism in
the Episcopal Church?” - Jackie

CatholicView Staff:

I am a "cradle" Catholic and have raised my 2 daughters Catholic. However, my youngest daughter has decided that she prefers the Episcopal  religion.  She and her husband have just had a baby and they are planning to baptize the child in their faith. My question is, am I allowed to attend their service? I remember being taught as a child that I could not participate in any other religion...is that participating? My daughter is trying to plan a private service but the pastor wants to incorporate it into their mass. I'm not sure what to do. - Jackie

___________________________

Dear Jackie:

Of course you can attend your grandchild’s baptism.  But, you will have to refrain from accepting communion.   For Catholics, the Vatican counts as valid only Catholic Eucharist--bread and wine that have been consecrated by a priest as part of a Catholic Mass.    For more information, check with your parish priest.  CatholicView Staff


I am Catholic but my husband is not.  Can we have
our marriage blessed?” - Jane

CatholicView Staff:

My husband and I want to get our marriage blessed by a Catholic priest. I am a practicing Catholic and my husband attends mass with me but is a non-catholic. Does he have to become Catholic to have a priest bless our marriage?  -Jane

 _____________________

Dear Jane:

Congratulations and thank you for your question.  A Catholic and non-Catholic can have their marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. Your husband does not have to become Catholic in order to do so.  See your priest for more information on this. God bless you.  CatholicView Staff

 
”My father is cruel to me.  Should I help him only to have him
laugh at me with other relatives?” - Sheila

CatholicView Staff:

My father recently called me and wanted me to run an errand for him. I refused. The last time I saw my father he threw me out of his house and told me never to come back. He then called my mother and grandmother (and who knows who else) and laughed about him throwing me out of his house. This is a usually thing with my father. He will ask a family member to do something and later he will talk about them to anyone who will listen. Since my father has very bad health he doesn't think anyone will refuse him, no matter how badly he has treated them. He has often stated that it tickles him to hurt our feelings. I just didn't want to subject myself to that kind of treatment again. Should I have helped my father? I know it is the Christian thing to do, but it hurts to have him turn on me again and again. I just wanted to spare myself pain. - Sheila

 ____________________

Dear Sheila:

I am so sorry that your father cannot see the pain he is causing you and your family.  Why does your mother allow this to happen?  And have you talked to her about this? 

The bible tells us to honor our fathers and our mothers in the Ten Commandments.  In your case it is difficult to do this.  But you did the right thing and God is very pleased and will bless you greatly for adhering to God’s commandment.

You say that your dad has been ill.  Is it a serious illness?  Is he incapable of taking care of himself?  Sometimes when people are ill, it makes them feel powerful to tear others down.   If you can, ignore his atrocious behavior and try to avoid spending extra time that may cause you grief.  If he truly needs you, ignore his awful behavior and try to help him for he will always be your father.  Even now you are being blessed for the respect you have given him, even though he might not deserve it.  Hope this helps.   CatholicView Staff   

 
“Is it a sin for me to have evil thoughts at times even though
I don't carry them out?” - Richard 

CatholicView Staff:

Is it a sin for me to have evil thoughts at times even though I don't carry them out?  I occasionally have intentions to look at pornographic items even though I know they are bad for me.   Please advise me.

___________________

Richard:

I am sorry that you indulge in pornography.  I thank God that your conscience is telling you to avoid this sin.  Having evil thoughts can lead you into action.  I would advise that when you are inclined to do this that you replace these evil desires with a simple prayer asking God to strengthen and keep you from sin.  The repetition of prayer makes you stronger because you, through prayer, are calling on the highest power available to man; Almighty God.  You will overcome this addiction if you continue to pray.  

Pray a simple prayer such as:

“Lord, I love you.   Keep me from all unclean thoughts
and help me to focus on the many blessings you have
given to me.  I offer all my temptations to You, and I
ask You to cleanse my mind from all impure
thoughts.  I pray this in Jesus' name, Amen”

Please go and see your priest.   He will help you to understand what God expects from all of us.  Remember God loves you and wants you to have peace in your life - CatholicView Staff

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