NOVEMBER 2008

FATHER ARTHUR CARRILLO, C.P.
FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL
FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM
CATHOLICVIEW STAFF

FATHER ARTHUR CARRILLO, C.P.

”I have a hard time understanding ‘Free Will’. 
What am I to do?”  - Heidi 

Father Arthur:

In my consideration of becoming Catholic, I have become very confused.  I have a hard time with the free will thing (i.e. it may be the free will of a man to rape a child, but where is the child’s free will of being safe, or the safety of animals), the belief that one can commit rape, molestation, or murder and seek and receive absolution, and the seemingly contradiction of the bible (i.e. Adam and Eve's children must have committed incest otherwise we wouldn't be here). What am I to do? - Heidi

Dear Heidi,

Your question is not uncommon.  In the history of Christian thinking (theology), there have been many efforts to reconcile the meaning of a person's "free will" with the "will of God", with "the suffering of the innocent", and with God's universal will of salvation (that God wants all people to be saved).  The first thing to do is to lay a foundation, upon which you can begin to build your understanding of your very real concerns.  

First: there is a difference between having free will, and the use that a person makes of it.  God gave us a free will, and the responsibility for what we do with it.  If we exercise our free will in accord with what we have learned is God's will, then we help to build the Kingdom of God on earth.  If we use our free will contrary to the will of God, we will destroy the good and the beautiful that God created and over which we are the stewards.  

Secondly: one of the ways that our free will should be exercised is in the protection and pursuit of every person's human rights; this is because these rights belong to every human person, and are therefore an expression of God's will for us.  To commit any of the atrocities that you mention is a violation of an individual's human rights, and an abuse of the free will that God gave the perpetrator of those atrocities. When the Catholic Church extends the sacrament of reconciliation to a repentant sinner, it is affirming the belief that a person can repent of his or her sins.  No priest will give absolution in confession to someone who is not repentant, and true repentance must include the steps necessary to submit to the penal law that was violated.  (Contrary to what you see on television and in the movies all too often.)

Thirdly: You may be taking the second story of creation from Genesis too literally.  The story of creation you refer to is not about the genital reproductive activity that led to the multiplication of the human species.  It is about the creative work of God in designing the human family, using Adam and Eve as prototypical persons, with their children as the "first family", without suggesting that immorality of incest was somehow "suspended".  (I don't know why people never cite Adam and Eve as engaging in unnatural sexual relations if according to a literal reading of the text, they would have the same DNA.)

So, I would like to encourage you to continue your exploration of free will because your instincts and sensitivities are good ones.  In learning about the Catholic faith you will surely be exposed to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, where these real and adult questions of faith are raised and discussed.  I hope that you will find your faith journey rewarding, and I will pray that it be so for you. - Fr. Arthur Carrillo, C.P.

”Why do women go to hell for having an
abortion and men don't?” - Ana  

Dear Father Arthur:

Why do women go to hell for having an abortion and men don't?   I think it’s unfair and wrong.  Men will never go to hell for having an abortion because they can't have babies.   There are probably more women in hell than men.   I personally had three abortions and I do NOT want to go to hell.  I have gone to confession, but I'm not sure if that will save me? – Ana

Dear Ana,

It is unfair, wrong and reprehensible that women are often the ones that society targets with blame and shame for actions that involve both a man and a woman.  Jesus gives us the true meaning of Christian forgiveness and mercy when He responds to the "men" who bring a woman before Him who is charged with adultery.  The event speaks for itself.  

However, your question is also in need of clarification.  Only people who are unrepentant of mortal sins they have committed stand a chance of going to hell.  Whether for abortion(s) or for murder, repentance will open your heart to God's mercy and forgiveness.  The penal law of the Church applies the penalty of an excommunication to all those who together bring about the abortion of an unviable fetus.  If a man encourages a woman to have an abortion, or provides the means for her to have an abortion, he is morally responsible just as much as the woman is.  It is a mortal sin, and the consequences are, in that regard, the same for both, and anyone else who facilitates the abortion.

As painful as the acknowledgement may be that you have had recourse to abortion three times, a sincere repentance is always the requisite for forgiveness and reconciliation with God.  Remember, too, that a sincere repentance always includes the firm desire to avoid that sin in the future.  I hope and pray that you are willing to use the proper means to avoid any future need to even consider an abortion. Your parish may have a "Project Rachel" group which aids in healing of the heart following abortion.  Pray daily for God's grace to live as one who values her life and who honors the memory of her deceased children. - Fr. Arthur Carrillo, C.P.

”I work with investments.  Can I do my job
and still follow Jesus?” - Mike

Father Arthur:

In Mark Chap. 2 Jesus said to Matthew the tax collector "Follow me." and Matthew "followed" Him.  Jesus also says we cannot serve God and MAN.  I work with investments.   Am I still able to do what I am doing and follow him? Please help. -     Mike

Dear Mike,

I am happy to know that you want to apply the scriptures to your real life situation.  Curiously, the current (November 2008) economic distress of the country makes some of our understanding of Matthew as a tax collector a little easier to understand. Had Matthew lived today, in the U.S.A., he might well be compared to one of the "Wall Street wizards" or the mortgage brokers who lined their pockets with the savings of the poor.  In Matthew's time, the role of the tax collector was almost universally disdained by the ordinary people among whom Jesus lived and taught.  Judea was under Roman occupation; the Romans were collecting taxes to send to Rome; the tax collector worked for the occupying nation; we called these people "collaborators" during the second world war.  The tax collectors were also assumed by the people to be "skimming" off of their collections some money for themselves above and beyond their salaries.

Matthew was one of these guys...until the day that your cited in your question, the day that Jesus came to him and invited him to "follow"; Matthew did.  Curiously, in the Mark (and in Matthew 9:9-13) version, even though Jesus says "follow me", they wind up at Matthew's home for a meal.  I suspect Jesus followed Matthew home, and there may be a lesson in that for us; if we hear the invitation of Christ in our lives, it is Christ who will fill our lives, our homes, our hopes and our dreams, even before we begin to do the following asked of us.

I believe that the passage you are referring to is about serving two masters...found in Luke 16:13; and in Matthew 6:24.  In both Jesus is stating what should be obvious, you cannot serve two "masters"; you will at some point have to choose between the two.  Jesus puts it in the context of money in Luke; and Luke follows up the statement in verse 14 by describing Jesus' hearers as "avaricious": greedy for money.

So, it would be correct to say that anyone who lets money become his master is not living in line with the Gospel admonition about riches.  Instead, by following the teaching of Jesus, money becomes a means to the building of the Kingdom of God.  The priority should be God, not money.  What does this mean in practice: reflect on the Gospel reading for the feast of Christ the King, November 23, 2008 (34th Sunday of the Year). Jesus reminds us that the final judgment of our lives will be made on the basis of our feeding the hungry, visiting the sick and the imprisoned, providing shelter for the homeless, welcoming the stranger in our land, etc.  These are actions that require some resources, often some extra money, always a willingness to give of ourselves.

Mike, I pray that you will be able to be a godly steward of the remuneration you earn for your hard work.  Just as much, I pray that you will be a true follower of Christ, and be faithful to our responsibility to live with compassion for the poor and a passion to right the wrongs that violate the human dignity and human rights of all people on the earth. - Fr. Arthur Carrillo, C.P.

FATHER WILLIAM G. MENZEL

”Our daughter is marrying a Catholic.  Can we take
communion at the Catholic wedding?” - Gary

Father Bill:

My daughter is planning to marry a wonderful Catholic gentleman.  The question has come forward about the sacrament of communion during the wedding ceremony.  They do plan on being married in the Catholic Church.  My daughter, not being Catholic, has been told that she will NOT be able to partake of the sacrament, even though she has been brought up in a Christian home, has been faithful to her church and most important has accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior.  The second part of the issue is that my daughter is upset that my wife and myself would be unable to celebrate the sacrament of communion at her wedding ceremony.  This is not going to stop the wedding but it is putting a strain on the situation. My daughter loves her fiancé very much and plans to have the children brought up in the Catholic Church.  The main question is -- Is there any way that she and my wife and I can partake of the sacrament during her ceremony? I would greatly appreciate your input.  Thank you very much.  – Gary 

Gary:

Your question goes right to the heart of the painful reality that almost all Christians recognize.  Simply stated, we know that we do not have the kind of unity for which Jesus longingly prayed in Chapter 17 of the Gospel of John. While there is indeed much that unites us--Baptism and a common creed, for example--, there still is much that separates us.  It is this lack of unity that lies behind the Catholic Church's policy stating that only Catholics in good standing may receive communion at Mass.

Since the Eucharist is such an important part of our Catholic faith life, there is another consideration that also comes into play here. It goes to the heart of what Catholics believe about the Eucharist:  that it truly is the Body and Blood of Jesus.  Many other Christians attach a symbolic value to communion, but do not believe what we believe.  Communion should be shared by those who share a common belief.   The word "communion" itself implies this. If we do not share that belief, then we should not share that which most symbolizes that belief.

Please understand that the Catholic Church's policy about communion is not meant to judge the sincerity or holiness of our brothers and sisters in other Christian churches.  The American Catholic bishops  have stated our Church's communion policy quite well. You can find it here:
                http://www.usccb.org/liturgy/current/intercom.shtml. 

You might note that the statement does allude to certain exceptions to the policy, but these exceptions would not normally be present at the typical wedding.

In conclusion, may I suggest a simple solution for your daughter and her fiancé?  While the Catholic Church permits Mass to be celebrated when a Catholic marries a baptized person from another Christian church, the policy in most dioceses is to discourage celebrating Mass in these circumstances.  I would suggest that your daughter and her fiancé seriously consider having their wedding without a Mass.   They could have all the prayers, readings and music that are part of the wedding service.  Only the parts that are proper to the Mass, such as communion, would be omitted.   This approach affirms the common reverence that all Christians have for the Word of God and the sacred nature of the marriage covenant without introducing the awkwardness and confusion of celebrating Mass in the presence of many guests who do not understand it.

May God bless your daughter and her fiancé as they prepare to enter the holy covenant of marriage, and may we all join our hearts in the prayer of Jesus that "all may be one." – Father Bill

”I took communion after 25 years away from the Church. 
Did I do the right thing? - Angela

Dear Father:

I am a returning Catholic from being away from the Catholic Church for 25 years.  I have been married, divorced, and married again.   I asked God to let me know when I was worthy of communion.   I felt the Lord told me to go.   Did I do the right thing by taking communion after all these years? - Angela 

Welcome back, Angela!

It always is such a joy to see God's grace at work in the hearts of those who love him.  The Church welcomes your return with open arms, but, as you might have guessed, there are a few loose ends to tidy up now that you have come home.

Imagine for a moment that you had been estranged from your parents and siblings for 25 years.  One day, after much thought, you decide that you really need to go back to them. You ring your parents' doorbell.  Dad comes to the door and is astonished to see you. With tears in your eyes, you embrace him.  You ask how he is and how's Mom?  He holds you tight and says nothing, then steps back with his hands gently on your upper arms and says, "It's so good to see you!   Mom is fine.    Wait 'til she learns that you're home!"

Would that scenario be the end of the story, Angela?  I don't think so, do you?   In fact, it's only the beginning. There is so much more that still needs to happen before you really are home.   You have changed.  Your family has changed.   There are stories to share and hurts to be mended. There's a lot of catching up to do, and some of it won't be easy.   It will take time, but it's worth it.  After all, you know that this is where you belong.   One thing is certain, though: you don't just jump back into the family as if nothing has transpired in the interim.   It will all work out, but there are some matters to attend to.

Coming back to our Church family is something like this.  It will all work out, but there are some matters to attend to. Until you attend to them, you should refrain from receiving communion.   The first thing to attend to would be to talk with a priest.   You'll need to talk with him about your marriage situation and just what your "official" relationship with the Church is at this point.   In all honesty, some priests are better at this kind of thing than others.   Ask around.   Find a priest who will treat you with kindness and patience.

You have taken some important steps, Angela.   You have returned home.  You have sought information.   That's a good start.   Now it's up to you to make the homecoming complete.   May God bless and guide you!  - Father Bill

”A fellow Parishioner is angry at God because her son was
severely injured.  What should I say to her?” - Snap

Dear Father:

A 10 year old child in our parish was hit by a drunk driver while riding his bike 2 months ago. He is expected to live and is in a rehab facility, but he will require constant care for the rest of his life. The mother (who is Catholic) is very angry with God. How can I try to make sense of this to her?  - Snap

Snap:

 I cannot begin to imagine what a parent must feel like when something like this happens to a beloved child. The range of emotions must be absolutely numbing.  Anger, hatred, love, guilt, emptiness, all topped off with a helplessness that must surround a pain that is almost beyond measure.  Angry with God?   I think I would be angry with God, too.

Thank you for caring, Snap.  Thank you for trying to reach out to this mother who is no doubt experiencing a living hell.

You wonder how you can make sense of this to her.   The short answer: you can't.   It's just best to admit that.  Life has its absurdities for which there is no accounting, and what happened to this child is one of those absurdities.  There is no explanation, except to say that bad things happen.  They do.  We all know that.

So how can you help this mother?   First of all, accept her anger.   She has every right to be angry.  She NEEDS to be angry!  How could she be anything but angry?   Angry with God?  When people tell me they're angry with God, I tell them two things.   First I tell them that God is tough and understanding.   He can take our anger, and He understands our helplessness and frustration in the face of tragedy.   Then I usually tell them something like this: you can't be angry at someone you don't believe in. Your anger with God is actually an act of faith. The fact that you are not afraid to tell God what you think, even in anger, is a good thing. Call it prayer, call it an act of faith, call it "getting it off your chest";  whatever you call it, it's o.k., and God can take it.

Back in 1981 Rabbi Harold S. Kushner wrote a remarkable little book titled "When Bad Things Happen to Good People".  I keep a copy in my library to hand out to people who wonder about tragedies like the one you are inquiring about. You could take a couple of hours to read this book; it might help you to reach out to this mother.   (But don't just pass the book on to her when you finish it, unless she asks for it.)

Finally, let me get something off my chest.  Tragedies like this are not "God's will", and it really rankles me when someone offers that lame bromide to try to help someone feel better.  God does not will that ten year-old children should be maimed by drunk drivers!  God does not micromanage the universe.  God does not interfere with human free will.  Why doesn't God take a more active role in the affairs of the universe?  Why doesn't God step in to prevent tragedies?  For questions like that I have no answer but this: God is God, and we are not. – Father Bill

FATHER KEVIN BATES, SM

”Is our country under a ‘Judgment Call’ from God?”
- Kathy

Dear Father Kevin:

The more I think of the 10 Commandments, the more I believe our country, as well as the world is under a 'Judgment Call' from the Lord.  Would you kindly comment Father?  - Kathy

Dear Kathy:

Firstly I am not in your country if you are in the US, so I will not presume to comment on the state of your nation.  Secondly, the phrase "judgement Call" is not a phrase we use in the Catholic Church so I am not sure what you mean.  What I can say is that the Commandments are a good beginning, but I can keep to the letter of them all and still not live a very full, loving life.  I can simply be keeping the rules.  If we focus on the Beatitudes instead, we can see that it is impossible to live the Beatitudes and not live a fully loving life.  If I live the Beatitudes I will keep the commandments and a whole lot more. The commandments are just helpful beginnings, the minimum necessary if you like.   Too many people seem to think that the commandments are enough.  If they were, why did we need Jesus?  Simply because He calls us far beyond the mere keeping of rules to a passionate loving encounter with the living God.  When we start to get a real taste for God, we tend to stop judging each other, individually, communally and nationally, and instead work towards the coming of the Kingdom within our communities as best we can.  All good wishes.  – Father Kevin

”I am uncomfortable with Jeremiah 7:18”   - Beth

Father Kevin:

I am a Catholic and have always been devoted to the Virgin Mary, but lately have become uncomfortable.  Jeremiah 7:18 refers to the worship of "the queen of heaven," a pagan goddess, which angers God.  I realize a pagan goddess is not the same as the mother of Jesus, but why would we choose the same title for Mary?  It makes me very uncomfortable whenever I read that chapter.  Also, in some Marian apparitions, Mary seems to be asking for glory for herself, rather than her Son (wanting to have Russia consecrated to her, or to be called "Co-Redemptrix"). This may sound weird, but how do we know that the apparitions aren't a demon masquerading as the mother of Jesus? Thank you very much for your help with this. - Beth

Dear Beth:

Thanks for your question. Firstly in the Catholic Church we do not worship Mary.  We simply honour her as the Mother of Jesus, as the first believer, as the one who gave birth to God's Word.  So that pretty well knocks the Jeremiah problem out of the ball park.  Mary really is just one of the family, and we honour her because she was so transparently beautiful and faithful to God's call to her.  She's the first person in our photo album if you like!  As for the things she apparently said at the different apparitions, I don't know how firmly we need to believe everything that is reported from these events. They are not a matter of Church doctrine but more the matter for personal piety.  If she says these things I have no problem - she's simply giving Jesus a hand in His saving work as we must.  In wanting to have Russia consecrated to her, it would be so that could be seen as taking a special interest in the people there, bringing them to her Son.   The Mary I know and love, the one who appears in the pages of the gospels is always drawing attention to Jesus rather than to herself.  Good wishes. -  Father Kevin

CATHOLICVIEW STAFF


”I was married twice without annulments.   How can
I receive Holy Communion? - Richard

 

CatholicView Staff:

I was married in the Church and got divorced without receiving an annulment.  I re-married outside the Church and divorced again. Can I, in anyway receive Holy Communion? - Richard

Dear Richard:

Sadly, until you speak with a priest, you cannot receive the sacraments of the Church until you reconcile your two marriage issues and become fully re-instated with the Church family.   Do not hesitate or be afraid to speak to your parish priest.  He is there to help you in any way possible. 

God is with you and has always taken care of you.  You have made the first step by writing to CatholicView for information.  Take the second step: contact your parish priest so he can get details of your first marriage and determine where you stand on the second.   There will be a solution for you.

Know that God understands all things and is always willing to welcome each of us back.  But, we must take the first step forward.  May the Lord give you the courage to return to the Church, so you can get started on the road to enjoying all the Sacraments that are waiting for you.  Welcome back! – CatholicView Staff  

”I was told eulogies were not allowed at Catholic
funerals.  Is this true?” - Lucy

CatholicView Staff:

Recently I attended a funeral Mass in my Catholic Church and the priest there said eulogies were not allowed by decree from the Pope.   Is this true? - Lucy

Dear Lucy:

There are liturgical instructions concerning the placement of eulogies (words about the deceased life as distinguished from a homily which is a sermon based on the Word of God)) within the various funeral rites of the Catholic Church.  The Catholic Church will allow a eulogy to be spoken before the end of the vigil service (sometimes called a Rosary, Wake, or Viewing by some usually taking place the night before) and before the end of the funeral Mass.   The liturgical directions do say this concerning an eulogy at the end of the Mass or at the Vigil Service the night before or at the burial place: “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased.”  The Eulogy should last no more than three minutes. After the Gospel, however, a brief homily based on the readings should always be given, “never any kind of eulogy” (Order of Christian Funerals 141).  If anyone wants to eulogize the dead, the Vigil, the end of the funeral Mass, or at the cemetery or, especially, the after-burial gathering are the times to do it.

The Church asks, in accordance with the Pastoral Handbook, that multiple eulogies be done at the vigil service. Someone could give a brief eulogy at the graveside.  Many of these options have to be planned with the priest or deacon who is leading (the service). There are wide varieties of options — more so for the vigil and graveside, and certain options within the funeral Mass.  Hope this helps a bit. – CatholicView Staff

”I am newly married but our needs are wildly
different.  What should I do?” - Becky
 

Dear CatholicView Staff

I am a newlywed; my husband and I celebrated our marriage three months ago. We are very happy together but we have a problem that is getting increasingly difficult to ignore. Our sex drives are wildly different (mine is high, his is low). Because we are both in our early 20s, I am concerned there is a medical reason that my husband has a low libido, but he refuses to see a doctor, telling me to stop asking for or trying to initiate sex. I am getting increasingly frustrated and have turned to masturbating because of this. When I was younger, I felt bad for masturbating and struggled to stop myself. Because I waited until I was married to have sex, I feel cheated now that my husband does not want to and now I do not feel guilty for masturbating. I don't know what to do - it is making me feel as though I have married the wrong person, though I love him dearly. I get upset and very frustrated but then wonder if, as a Catholic, I should just accept him how he is without question and take up knitting or something to distract myself. Am I being selfish and just thinking of my own needs? Can you give me advice about what to do or how to approach this? – Becky

Becky:

I am sorry that you and your husband have such opposite sexual needs so early in your marriage.    According to the few details you sent, your expectations for intimate contact are not unreasonable for a newlywed.   Have you talked to your husband about this?  

I think perhaps you both should seek a professional to determine if perhaps your husband has a physical problem.   He/she will be able to advise what is best for you.   At any rate, it is important you talk to your priest about this problem of intimacy and the fact that you have to resort to self-satisfaction after only three months of marriage.  Your priest will also be able to give you the name of someone who can help you.  Do not be afraid to get the answers you need.    – CatholicView Staff 

”Are my step-mom and my dad in heaven?” - Beverly

CatholicView Staff:

Jesus taught against divorce and remarriage. My biological mother passed away at a young age and 2 years later my dad married a woman who was divorced. Neither of them were Catholic and I find that with Protestants, they don't believe they have to get an annulment like Catholics do to remarry. Both my dad and step-mother are deceased now and I am worried that maybe they didn't get into heaven. But if they didn't think they were doing anything wrong how should they be held accountable? Also, my dad had 3 kids and she had 3 kids...wouldn't it have been better for them to go ahead and get married than to be young and be tempted by the sins of the flesh? Thank you! – Beverly

Beverly:

Thank you for your question.  Please know that it is not for us to judge anyone.  We are not God, nor do we think as He does.  You state your dad and your stepmother were not Catholic so they were not subject to the Catholic Church teaching concerning divorce and annulments.  The precious thing is that God can read the heart.  It sounds like you had a wonderful dad and stepmother and our heavenly Father Who sees everything knows this.   So we must leave their destiny in His capable hands.  I believe that in their case, if they were faithful to each other, gave their six children loving care, and lived a Christian life, they are with God.   Remember that our God is a God of love and forgiveness.  I believe you will see them again someday.   – CatholicView Staff

” Why did God choose the Middle East for the
development of Christianity? “ - Joseph

 

CatholicView Staff:

Why did God choose the Middle East for the development of Christianity?  There were many more races during that time. - Joseph

Dear Joseph:

Joseph, I hope this enlightens and answers your question. – CatholicView Staff

”How can I fully become a Catholic?” - Heather

CatholicView Staff:

I was raised and baptized in a Protestant religion. I have been out of the church proper for quite a few years now. I have an overwhelming feeling that I will only become whole or right if I convert to Catholicism. I have loved the faith for many years but my upbringing convinced me it was not right.   Now I know I can convert through the RCIA process but I have some problems.   First I was baptized in "Jesus Name" not "Father, Son and Holy Spirit".    Secondly I have been married and divorced,  this marriage took place in a Protestant church at the age of 16. I can not reach the man I was married to as I have no idea where to find him, I am 33 now.  I so desperately believe I should be a Catholic, so much so that I follow what little I know of the faith and even pray the rosary, cross myself, and pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary for guidance and help to resolve this weight of sorrow on my heart. Please tell me how I can become a Catholic fully and completely as I would like to raise my children in this wonderful unchanging faith.  Heather

Heather:

Welcome to our Church.  The baptism of most Christian denominations is accepted as valid by the Catholic Church since the effect is thought to come straight from God regardless of the personal faith, but not intention, of the minister.  You need, however, to speak with a priest who will sort out the details of your young marriage those many years ago.  This I am sure will not be a problem that you cannot overcome.  Please make an appointment to talk to a priest in your vicinity and he will be able to advise and get you started on going through the Rite of Christian Initiation For Adults, commonly called RCIA.  God bless you and give you the courage to move forward in the faith. Welcome! – CatholicView Staff

”I want to be Catholic but my husband’s family opposes it. 
Can I convert on my own?” - Roberta
 

CatholicView Staff:

I have been wanting to convert for a long time, but my husband's family distrusts the Catholic Church and does not want our young children "involved". My husband does what his mother wants. Should I/Can I convert on my own?

Dear Roberta:

You can convert on your own if you wish.  I am saddened that your husband is not supportive in your choice of religious and spiritual expression.   But you can find the strength that comes from Jesus Christ to make that spiritual step forward.  The Church will not ask your husband or children for anything other than their support of your decision to follow Christ in the Catholic Church.  May the Lord bless you and guide you in your next steps to become a full member of the Catholic Church. – CatholicView Staff

”No annulment record was found for my husband’s
first marriage.  Is our marriage valid?” - Lennae

CatholicView Staff:

My husband of 35 years was previously married. He was a Catholic and married in the Catholic Church.  He was later divorced and met me, a Lutheran, raised as both Catholic and Lutheran due to my family being both throughout.  We were married in a Lutheran church. As time went by, we both decided to return to the Catholic faith.  We both attended RCIA and my husband was re-confirmed and I confirmed for the first time at the Easter Vigil. My husband's ex-wife said she had gotten an annulment but no record was found. The priest that confirmed us knew this but never denied us communion.   He said my husband was starting out as a new Catholic (being reconfirmed) and thus, his divorce did not matter.  Neither of us believe in an annulment.   The Bible certainly does not speak of this but in the Saint James version it does say that divorce is allowed for reasons of fornication.   I do not see this in the Saint Joseph's version, which is Catholic, but my husband's first wife committed adultery time and time again until he finally had to leave her.   We have been back in the Catholic faith now for almost 9 years and have always taken communion at every Mass. Why do some refrain from this just because they are married for the second time. Some friends of ours could not afford an annulment so they sit in church week after week, year after year, denied the body and blood of Jesus  I wonder how He feels about that. Pay for an annulment? Wait for months or longer?  This is one part of the Catholic faith I do not care for or agree with.  A Catholic Sister of Mercy at our church said this is  "man made laws, not God made."  I think she is right. - Lennae

Lennae:

I am happy to know that you are now in full communion with the Church.  I am sure that your parish priest researched this question about your husband’s first marriage and that his ex-wife received an ecclesiastical annulment of the marriage.  As for other Catholics around you who have married in the Church, divorced, and married again civilly with someone else, the process of annulment is the only way to reconcile these people back to the Church.  The scripture verse that you alluded to is in Matthew 19:9: “ I now say to you, whoever divorces his wife – lewd conduct is a separate case – and marries another commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”   Lewd conduct (fornication) has been interpreted to mean marriages consummated between brother and sister, as well as first cousins.   The Lord did not want marriages happening between such close blood relative ties for obvious reasons.  This verse cannot be interpreted to mean that an unrelated man and unrelated woman can divorce or annul their marriage simply because of one of them was having an adulterous affair.    These are not man-made laws.  These are clear teachings and directives from Jesus Christ Himself.   The annulment process answers one question only, “did God join this marriage,” an allusion to the biblical verses that state, “What God has joined, let no one separate.”  The annulment question is:  “did God join this marriage?”  It is in the authority of the Church (Matthew 16:19:  “Whatever you declare bound on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you declare loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”) to determine whether a sacramental marriage was truly united by God.  If a marriage is united by God, then it cannot be broken.   If a marriage is not united by God but simply by “man’s willing it,” then it can be annulled so that both parties can enter as God-joined marriage intended for them by God’s Will.  To those who are in an irregular marriage (not solemnized by the Church through the sacrament of marriage), I implore you to find out more about the annulment process so that you can fully participate in the sacramental life of the Church.   To those who are simply married civilly, please have your marriage “convalidated” (solemnized/blessed) in the Church! - CatholicView Staff

”What does Jesus mean in John 15, versus 12-13 ?” - Barney

CatholicView Staff:

What does Jesus mean when gives us this commandment? John 15: 12- 13  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down his life for his friends”. - Barney

Barney:

Jesus was making an allusion to Himself in knowing that His sacrifice on the cross to free us from the cycle of sin and death was the greatest act of love He could do for humankind.  Jesus gave His all for us.  At the same time, this verse can also be related to us.  If you lay down your life for someone else, that is usually done because of an unconditional love of that person for the other.  An example would be a mother who would do anything to protect her child, even to death.  I use this verse when I am asked to preside at the funerals of a military member who has died in battle or someone who has died “in action” for the great good, such police or firefighters.  I am also thinking of the ones who have saved another’s life at the expense of their own.  I am sure you could come up with many real-life examples of someone giving their all for someone else.  That is the definition of true unconditional love:  giving all expecting nothing in return. – CatholicView Staff

”What would be the name of the agent who
confirmed my friends?” - John

CatholicView Staff:

My good friends (adults) were recently confirmed. I think they were called confirmands before that happened.  What would be the name of the agent who confirmed them? Is there a special name?   I don't mean pastor or bishop, or is it just presider?  I am gifting a photo album and want to label the pictures correctly. Thank you!  - John

Dear John:

Usually the people who are receiving the sacrament of confirmation are called by a Latin word, CONFIRMANDI (candidate in English).  The one who confers the sacrament of confirmation, usually a bishop, and in cases of someone completing the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA), a parish priest during the Easter Vigil Mass, is called the MINISTER (of the sacrament).  – CatholicView Staff

”Can I keep my mom’s urn in my home or
do I need to bury her?”  - Cathy

CatholicView Staff:

I have my Mother’s urn inside my house and I have a hard time letting her go. Can I keep her in my house or do I need to bury her in order for her to rest? - Cathy

Dear Cathy:

Your mother is already at rest in the loving eternal embrace of our Lord!  She is free at last.  As for your mother’s remains, they must be kept in one place, so they can stay at your home or buried at the time you are ready.  We place the remains of a person in one place because it is an expression of our faith in the resurrection of the dead at the end of time.  We await the Lord’s return that’s why the Church encourages us to make that proclamation of faith in the resurrection by placing or burying the remains in one place.  Please make sure that you have plans to bury your mother’s remains in case something happens to you and you cannot act to place your mother’s remains in a secure place. - CatholicView Staff

 

” Do both men and women become one flesh
as stated in the bible?” - Mary

CatholicView Staff:

Is it true that when a man marries he leaves his parents behind but his wife doesn't have to. I thought it was said for both parties being married. - Mary

Dear Mary:

The scripture verses found in Matt 19:5; Mark 10:7; 1 Cor 6:16; Eph 5:31; Psalm 45:10; 1 Cor 7:10, 11 that both become one flesh applies to BOTH parties in a marriage.  Both man and woman leave behind their father and mother and cling to one another and become one flesh.  Women are not exempt from this biblical command.  – CatholicView Staff

”Is my birth baptism valid in the Church?” - Jan

CatholicView Staff:

Hi, I just recently learned from my mother that I was baptized by a Catholic priest at birth. I was not however raised in the Catholic faith. Per my mother's report (who is a good Christian woman-raised Methodist), the nurse who attended my birth was also her next door neighbor and good friend. She was also Catholic. When I was born, her nurse/friend asked if it would be OK for her to have me baptized because in her Catholic faith she wanted to make sure that I would not go to purgatory-should I die as an infant. Because my mother was a good friend to this woman and respected her faith, she agreed to have me baptized. The nurse took me down the hall, and returned with me sometime later with wet hair. I assume she took me to a priest who was attending the hospital but we are not sure. My mother was still unable to leave her bed at that time. My mother said she permitted the baptism because she felt "one can't have too much of God's protection." This was in 1967. The hospital I was born in is no longer there, and the nurse who took me to be baptized has since passed away. I was later baptized again according to the traditions of the Lutheran faith (my father's faith). Now just a note to make you smile, some 32 years later I spontaneously felt moved to begin painting The Blessed Mother and Saints. I've now painted over 300 and my work is collected internationally. I always wondered why someone raised Protestant would feel so drawn to Catholicism.   Recently finding out this information somehow speaks to my heart as to perhaps some of the reasons why.   Anyway, I would like to know if my baptism was valid in the eyes of the Church.  Thank you so much. - Jan

Dear Jan:

What an interesting story, and yes, you made me smile with joy in the Lord.  Your artwork must be precious and beautiful to behold.  I thank God for your talent and work for Him.  As for your supposed baptism at the beginning of your life, I must say that there is no evidence that a priest or deacon baptized you in the hospital.   I am sure that your mother had a “saintly” nurse attending her and that the nurse herself baptized you in the hospital.   There is a provision in the rubrics of the sacrament of baptism that say that any Catholic, or any Christian, could baptize an infant in case of an emergency (life-endangering situation).  I am sure that this nurse wanted to baptize you for that reason even though you were born quite healthy, praise God!  To me, your baptism was valid but irregular.  But there is no record.  There would have been a record if a priest/deacon baptized you and I am sure that the priest/deacon of the baptism would have wanted to talk to your mother.  That’s why I believe that the nurse alone baptized you.  Nonetheless, you were baptized in the Lutheran church and are part of that congregation.  Your baptism in the Lutheran church is considered sacramentally valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. – CatholicView Staff

”I had an unusual dream about Jesus.  Can you tell me
what it might mean?” - Ana
 

CatholicView Staff:

I had a dream about hearing Jesus speak and I'm hoping someone would help me with it. Please read my story.
I went to confession a couple of days ago and afterwards I tried telling a priest about this dream that I had, but he said he did not interpret dreams and I was kind of sad. I told him it was a religious dream. I wanted to ask a priest because its really bothering me and I don't really know what it meant and what will become of me when I die. I had this dream that I can hear Jesus speak he was to the left of me and in front of me was his follower I felt that he was helping Jesus. This man was begging Jesus and saying "she goes to church and prays" I don't know what they were doing or why? then Jesus said "she does not have faith" and again the man was pleading and begging Jesus and again Jesus said "she does not have faith" and again he said it. In my dream I was in Jesus time, I know this because everyone was dressed differently then people today. The voice had authority almost as if he had authority over everyone and everything that existed. What did that dream mean? I almost feel like he wont take me with him when I die. What else would it mean? Was it a warning? I almost felt like he was here already doing his rounds going from person to person. I told someone this story and they just laughed and thought I was crazy. Can you please give me an answer. I thought Jesus forgave everyone for their sins? - Ana

Ana:

Jesus forgives everyone who asks and repents!  Be assured that you will be with Him in heaven one day.  But the Lord is sending a message to you to make you open your eyes and not be ashamed of your faith.  Your dream reminds me of the gospel verse from John, Chapter  21, Verses 16-19, and here is the bible verse:

(happening after Jesus rose from the dead) When they had eaten their meal, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?”  “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”  At which Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”  A second time He put His question, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”  “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know that I love you.”  Jesus replied, “Tend my sheep.”  A third time, Jesus asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”   Peter was hurt because he asked a third time, “Do you love me?”  So he said to him, “Lord, you know everything.  You know well that I love you.”  Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

Jesus asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?”  In your dream, Jesus asked you three times, “She does not have faith.”  This gospel and your dream have something in common.  Jesus is calling you to express your faith and love for Him in your life.  I do not know the details of your life but through your dream sequence, the Lord is sending you a message:   “Be faithful, live your faith, not just say you believe.”  The beggar man represents YOU.  There must have been something that is happening or has happened that you could have responded in faith but did not act on that faith to your fellow human being.  The Lord is calling you to act in faith, and that means more than saying you believe.  How to act your faith depends on you.  It’s time to re-evaluate your faith and make a priority list, important things first, like God and family, and everything else is secondary.  May the Spirit of God guide you in your efforts to “feed the lambs” of the Lord. – CatholicView Staff

”If salvation is free and Jesus died for us,
what is the point of the Scapular?” Mazie
 

CatholicView Staff:

I'm very confused about the use of scapulars. I have a few of them, but want to know if salvation is free and Jesus died for us, what is the point of the Scapular?  I am a devout Catholic and am even worried that I ask this. But I need to understand.  - Mazie
 

Dear Mazie:

The various kinds of scapulars are symbols of our faith in Jesus Christ and His promise of protection and salvation in the face of evil.  These scapulars are considered “sacramentals,” signs of God’s presence with us.  But salvation comes from Jesus Christ and not from a scapular or any kind of religious symbol.  Some people use scapulars and religious symbols, such as crosses, to express their faith and make the presence of God tangible in their lives.  But “sacramentals” are not necessary items for salvation.  Your ACTIVE faith is the ONLY item required for salvation.  Be at peace.  If sacramentals help you to remind you of the everyday presence of God in your life, then use them.  If not, then just be aware that God is always with you no matter what. – CatholicView Staff

           

”Can a twice divorced man be a deacon?”  - Linda

CatholicView Staff:

Can a deacon or deacon candidate be ordained if he has been married and divorced twice, both times because of infidelity? - Linda

Dear Linda:

The scriptures have an answer to your question.  It is in I Timothy, Chapter 3, Verses 8-13, with particular attention paid to verse 12:  “Deacons may be married but once and must be good managers of their children and households.”  If a person feels called to the ordained ministry of deacon, he must first go through his diocese’s office for clergy.  He cannot be a candidate if he does not at least fulfill the requirements for a deacon as set forth in this biblical passage. – CatholicView Staff

”My church is in disarray due to our pastor. 
How can I find a new Church?” - Lori

CatholicView Staff:

My Parish is in disarray due to our Pastor. Many people have left, myself included. I feel like a displaced Catholic with nowhere to worship our Lord. How can I find a new Parish? I am the niece of an Irish Christian brother and have strong faith and have become very angry over this current situation. My family needs a Church! Please advise. Thank you in advance.  - Lori

Dear Lori:

I am so sorry you and other members have had to leave your parish church because of your pastor’s behavior.  This is an unfortunate situation and often, people feel displaced and saddened when they leave their “church home” where they have worshipped for a length of time. 

To find another church in your area, call the archdiocese office in your city and ask for an alternate parish where you will be able to attend mass.  They will be happy to assist you in this matter.   At that time, please ask the name of the Vicar of Clergy who is in charge of all priests in your city.   Get his address so you can report your pastor’s behavior in writing.   Write or speak to the Vicar and be sure to state all the relevant things that have caused you and the other members to leave.  Be sure you list all valid reasons.  Be straightforward and clear when making your claim.  If you can, have some of the others who have left the parish church go with you to explain your decisions to leave.  He will take care of this matter for you. 

I would strongly advise you to pray for your pastor and ask God to change his heart, and make him a disciple who can lead others to salvation instead of causing those Christians who believe to find solace elsewhere.  I will pray that you continue to be strong in the faith and find the peace that you seek.  May the Lord be with you during this upheaval you are facing within your church. – CatholicView Staff 

”I get bad thoughts like cussing God in my head. 
Can you help me?” - Margaret

CatholicView Staff:

I am going through a tough time. I get bad thoughts like cussing God in my head!  I do not want them there.  I pray.  Please help me. -  Margaret

Dear Margaret:

I am sorry to hear that you are getting bad thoughts about God.  It is apparent that you love the Lord and want to always be in His grace and love.   And you are.  Remember that Satan is always delighted to put such thoughts in your head. 

CatholicView suggest that you continue to pray, knowing that the Lord God knows your heart.  Each time such thoughts come into your head, we want you to immediately say a short prayer.  It does not have to be long.  Say something like ”Take these thoughts away, dear God.  I love you and I honor you.”  Each time this happens, say this short prayer on the heel of your thoughts.  Watch God work within you.  Evil cannot enter where the love of God lives.  God bless you and may your soul be at peace.   – CatholicView Staff

” I serve the Eucharist.  My cousin is having an affair
and wants communion.  What shall I do?  - Bernie 

CatholicView Staff:

 
I am a Minister of the Eucharist in my church.  My first cousin and my brother in law, soon to be ex , are having an affair and continue to receive communion.  I feel I cannot continue to be a Minister of the Eucharist and give them communion. What they are doing is wrong and amoral.  What should I do?  - Bernie

Bernie:

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma concerning your cousin and ex-brother-in-law taking communion while in sexual sin.  Talk to them about their behavior, making sure they understand that they are not in a state of grace and must not further their sins by accepting the Body of Christ without getting forgiveness.   Make sure that they know they are putting you in a very bad position.  Make sure your priest is aware of this situation. 

Do not give up your status as Minister of the Eucharist.  Do not allow their sin to take away your great joy of serving the Lord.   Ask your priest for direction in this matter.  He will advise you.   – CatholicView Staff

”Can I regain a state of grace if I have a sterilization
procedure?” - Paige
 

CatholicView Staff:

I am pregnant with my third child and my husband, who is a non-believer, and I have decided that the responsible thing for us to do, for numerous reasons, is not have any further children after this one. We used NFP to delay between our 2nd and 3rd child and conceived while using the method which undermined our trust in it.   I am planning to undergo sterilization after the birth of my child.   Can I ever regain a state of grace after the procedure?

Dear Paige:

I am sorry that you are considering undergoing sterilization.  As you know, the Catholic Church does not approve of sterilization or any form of birth control except Natural Family Planning (NFP).  The Roman Catholic Church's modern stance on contraception is that artificial contraception is considered a mortal sin, but methods of natural family planning is morally permissible in most circumstances. These methods are known as periodic abstinence and are argued to be morally different from positively modifying the couple's fertility. This is explained further in a series of lectures given by Pope John Paul 11, later entitled Theology of the Body. From Humanae Vitae:  "The Church, nevertheless, in urging men to the observance of the precepts of the natural law, which it interprets by its constant doctrine, teaches that each and every marital act must of necessity retain its intrinsic relationship to the procreation of human life.”

However, if you have a medical problem and pregnancy would seriously impair your health, cause a life threatening situation. or cause your family dire loss, then you must follow the directions of your physician.

Please speak with your priest and give him your reasons for wanting this procedure. In the meantime you must pray strongly before moving ahead with the surgery.   May the Lord guide you to make the right decision. – CatholicView Staff

”I think I made a vow and broke it.  What should
I do?” - Dani

CatholicView Staff:

I have been troubled recently wondering if  I made a "vow" to God.  Last year I said  that "if a relationship didn't work out with so-and-so, if God liked the idea, I would like to devote my life to him."    I think the "devote" part was to become a nun....but I can't remember exactly that part.   Is this the same as a vow? It's really bothering me. - Dani

Dear Dani:

I am sorry that you are concerned whether you made a vow to God or not.  If you are not sure you made this vow or if you actually made it, God understands that it was not a sincere promise for He reads the heart.  But this is something you must never repeat.

It is always better to ask God for His help without making promises you will not keep.  God asks us to come to Him and ask for what we need.  He does not want or expect us to make impossible vows, thereby causing us to sin.  

I hope and pray that in the future you will think before making vows.  The wonderful thing about God is that He is always willing to forgive.  He has already forgiven you but He is waiting for you to acknowledge that forgiveness and promise to avoid such vows in the future if you are not sincere.   Please confess to God in prayer and seek the sacrament of confession.   A sincere repentance is all that is required.  May the Lord always be with you. - CatholicView Staff

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